December 25th, 2004
Obligatory
UPATE: Well, I got my Lego and my Archie comic, and the traditional Christmas pizza is done. So far I'd have to say this is a successful Christmas. Isn't that right, Christmas Monkey? I thought so. I hope everyone is having a nice day, especially those away from loved ones and those serving overseas.
Posted by fad at 12:04am
December 24th, 2004
A Thank You Note
Dear NFL,I just wanted to let you know that this whole Christmas Eve/game on a Friday thing is really stupid. That you picked what was easily known well before the season to be a very important divisional game and made it a short week game at an odd, out of habit time makes it even worse.
But, then, you're also the idiots determined to put a team in LA, so I'm not too surprised.
Disgruntledly, and maybe just a bit gassy,
fad
UPDATE: Woo
Posted by fad at 10:13am
December 23rd, 2004
Join The Fight
Many people may be taking a pause here during this holiday stretch, but nature never rests in its desire to destroy us all.Nigel Coates was in his BMW convertible on Gledhow Valley Road when the tree smashed into the back of the car, leaving him unscathed.Lucky man. Not many escaped nature when it attacks. Remember, it's us or the trees, people.
Posted by fad at 5:41pm
Early
I'm going to hope that tomorrow you are all traveling to family and friends, spending time with them already, or at least have the day off so that you're not stuck somewhere reading stupid blogs like this one (as I will be). So I'll take the opportunity to wish you all a Merry (which is Happy in metric) Christmas now. My gift to you is to not tell either of the Christmas stories I had considered typing up. You're so lucky.
Posted by fad at 5:38pm
Fear The Future
Thank God I'll be long dead.There's a 1-in-300 chance that a recently discovered asteroid, believed to be about 1,300 feet long, could hit Earth in 2029, a NASA scientist said ThursdaySo enjoy your deathtrap, suckers!
Posted by fad at 5:06pm
Ho Ho Fuckoff
How about some fine Christmas sarcasm.Turning a token of corporate gratitude into a symbol of disgruntlement, a Horizon Air worker is auctioning on eBay a mug the company gave him last week.Nicely played. Wish I'd gotten anything from my old company (never even got a T-shirt out of them) to do something similar with, but all I got from there were some ethernet cables that jumped into my car one day and thems useful.
[...]
"The mechanics at Horizon Air have had no raises in years, but thankfully the raises and bonuses never end for our upper management," the seller writes sarcastically in a diatribe accompanying a photo of the mug on eBay.
[...]
"[M]y kids want a PlayStation 2 from Santa," the mechanic writes on eBay. "I thought they could make up a clever sign, stand near a Freeway on ramp, and hold out the fine china cup to be filled with the Spirit of Christmas by total strangers. But there was someone already there, so I decided to sell this priceless Fine China cup to the highest bidder."
The mechanic is certain that the mug, which he tagged online as "Horizon Air Collectable Fine China, My Christmas Bonus," is indeed fine china, he writes, "because when I turn it over, it says china, in fine letters."
Posted by fad at 3:51pm
It'll Work Someday
'Tis the season to be dumb.
Posted by fad at 2:13pm
Farrell's Accent Still Cracks Me Up
"Fidel Castro walks in public since fall"Damn.
In November, he surprised many when he suddenly stood up from his wheelchair during a state visit by Chinese President Hu JintaoWhich is pretty amazing considering John Kerry wasn't even elected.
After his accident, presidents and high-profile friends around the globe sent Castro get-well wishes. American movie director Oliver Stone sent a letter saying Castro could play the movie role of "Superman's grandfather" for handling the operations and recovery so well.You can always count on Oliver Stone to say the right things. Too bad all you homophobes refused to go see his shitty movie.
Posted by fad at 11:20am
Happiness Is...
...controlling the lights around your desk. Ahhhhh...sweet, sweet darkness.
Posted by fad at 10:38am
All Holidays Are Made Up Somehow
Today may be the official date of Festivus, but it's truly a year 'round celebration around here. Just about every post is an airing of grievance, and my general ability to daily post some bit of absolute genius has to be considered a feat of strength in someway.
Posted by fad at 9:56am
Never Seen An Episode, But Told I Resemble A Character
Damn traitorous Simpsons outsourcing good American jobs.
Posted by fad at 9:40am
Letting The Category Die
The phrasing of the opening of this story amused me.An ex-husband of Jennifer Lopez sued her for alleged breach of contract, claiming he was wrongly fired as the manager of her restaurant in Pasadena."An" ex-husband. Politely bespeaks of a list of them.
Posted by fad at 9:35am
That Three Things Thing
Don't expect this to be up very long, but here's one of those "Three Things" lists that's been sweeping the nation.[The clicking of here will bring you the happy fun time of the listing.]
Posted by fad at 7:40am
December 22nd, 2004
Those Stuck In The Midwest Might Get This One
I hate "furnace nose".
Posted by fad at 11:59pm
I Didn't Realize I Still Had This
Now if only I had a record player.
UPDATE: Now with real last name lovingly markered on by my mom 25 years ago clone brushed out.
Posted by fad at 9:28pm
This Month's Winner
Some search hits deserve their own post. Well, "deserve" is too strong a word, I guess. Anyway, here's one from someone in Germany."chastity belt" daughter wear -sex -porn -mutilation
There's a disturbing journey behind the formation of that search, from the general topic to which terms needed to be eliminated. That this site was #71 as of this typing meaning this person drilled down that far in the searching adds yet another level.
Posted by fad at 4:53pm
His Unawareness Of The Source Of The Pain...
Well, this is a disturbing story.
Posted by fad at 3:49pm
I Made Last Year's List
Moooommmmmm! Tim Blair's doing that year in quotes thing again!Mom?
Mother!
Oh yeah. This is just a computer.
Posted by fad at 3:15pm
The BBC Wants To Know
" Will you drink too much this Christmas?"Though if you plan to drink "too much" at Christmas, doesn't that make "too much" actually the exact amount you planned making it, therefore, not too much since "too much" implies more than you wanted?
Posted by fad at 1:37pm
Leave Me Alone
We all know that the Center for Science in the Public Interest loves to lie and overstate threats to try to control your behavior, we know that they are famous killjoys who cannot look at anything without seeing danger and decay, but sometimes it's nice to remember how stupid they think we are.A consumer watchdog group is throwing a flag on Anheuser-Busch Cos. Inc.'s commercials featuring beer-stealing football referees who lie to and run from police, arguing the spots wrongly depict lawlessness.The actual letter reads like a parody. That this was done in seriousness, or that George Hacker, the man who wrote it, actually thinks so little of his fellow man that they would take his idiocies seriously, shows how useless and insulting the Center for Science in the Public Interest Because We Know Best You Idiots And Come The Revolution We Will Be In Charge And Pick The Food At the Communal Meals Before You Hit The Fields.
In letters to federal regulators and the Beer Institute trade group, the Center for Science in the Public Interest says the spots violate the institute's voluntary codes barring ads that ``portray or imply illegal behavior of any kind.''
``since when are theft, lying to police and evading a search or arrest legal or responsible activities?''Man, I'd love to go to his parties. "Don't use the glass glasses! You might drop it and cut yourself! Now enjoy your choke-proof, pureed spinich." "No, there will be no music. That might lead to hearing damage or people dancing. People dancing could twist an ankle. We will sit in these specially designed posture chairs and try not to look at anything that's too bright."
``One can't help wonder whether the ads also have some other message in mind, namely, that breaking the law and bamboozling law enforcement efforts is a fine way to get a Bud Light,'' wrote Hacker, chief of the center's Alcohol Policies Project. ``Is that a message that Anheuser-Busch wants to send our millions of underage persons and adults who tuned into these games?''
Hacker's closing: ``Crime is no joke, nor is the subtext of obtaining one's beer through underhanded means.''
Posted by fad at 1:24pm
An Official Ruling
It's "nee-ther", not "neye-ther". Consider this your warning. We will be enforcing this starting the first of the year.
Posted by fad at 12:21pm
Meaningless Post
Sorry. Busy doin' stuff.UPDATE: Actually, not all that sorry.
Posted by fad at 11:39am
December 21st, 2004
Earnest
Oh boy. Just what I need. People from the Australian branch of Oxfam doing searches for Ian Curtis stuff. Oxfam and Ian Curtis. Topics ripe for a bitchin' party.
Posted by fad at 7:54pm
Damn Tease
Next time I see the headline "Blue-ribbon beauties", the story better damn well be about Pabst, or, well, let's just hope we don't have to consider such alternatives.
Posted by fad at 4:16pm
Maybe Some Bricks In Socks Too
I've got the burlap sacks; who has the door knobs? There's beat down a-needed.n Italian tourist on a flight from Sydney to Vienna caused a security alert when he sent a cell phone message to his wife claiming his plane had been hijacked by terrorists, the Australian government said Sunday.Remember: If you think you're being funny, you're not being funny. Something I prove hourly here.
[...]
[He] claimed terrorists were in control of the plane and were taking the passengers to an unknown destination.
His distressed wife contacted Italian police, who immediately contacted the Italian Embassy in Canberra, who in turn contacted Australian police.
Posted by fad at 3:48pm
The Mustache Made Him Do It
It's the 125th birthday of a misunderstood and maligned man, at least according to these quotes.People cried and kissed a 6-foot-tall cardboard cutout of Stalin and laid wreaths at the base of a monument in the small town of Gori, 50 miles west of the capital,Amazingly, I did the same to my cardboard cutout of Keith Richards.
Boris Gryzlov, speaker of Russia's lower house of parliament, said Stalin should be remembered for his accomplishments.Killing 10,000,000 through starvation, forced slave labor or plain ole murder can put a dinkle in one's rep, that is for sure.
"As a leader of the country, Stalin did much," Gryzlov said. But "what I think to be his extremes in his domestic policy, they certainly did not do much for his image."
Russia NTV television said a poll of 1,600 Russians taken by the respected Levada Center showed that only 31 percent consider Stalin to be a cruel tyrant, while 21 percent think he was a wise leader. The poll had a margin of error of 3 percentage points.Comforting.
Posted by fad at 2:56pm
Belosi
See, Babs, things like this are why, even were you to say stuff that wasn't so stupid, people have a hard time taking anything you say seriously.
Posted by fad at 1:32pm
I'll Get It Myself
This is why I never accept a beverage from someone. I know you're trying to kill me.
Posted by fad at 1:30pm
The Running Thoughts of Robert Fisk
"Ah, another Jewsday. Speaking of which, I'd better turn on the television to see what horrors they secretly really committed, or at least forced the poor Arabs to do. Hmm..commercials. That one jeans commercial with the scruffy midget and the Willy Nelson song. I wonder which Jew was always on Willy's mind? Probably an embezzling accountant. Oh well. Time to go to for a walk. Uh oh... that slightly dark skinned lad is looking at me oddly. I hope he isn't going to give me another well deserved beating for the sins of Western Imperialism..."
Posted by fad at 12:57pm
I Never Knew The Story Behind It
For sale, giant bull sculpture. Buyer must leave it where it is and donate it to the city. Sounds like a frickin' deal to me.
Posted by fad at 12:32pm
As Explanation
Today's posts below this one were written under the theme of "Posts with no context". Yeah, it was another one of those things that only amused me. It was fun, but time to move on and let go.
Posted by fad at 12:00pm
Losing Steam On The Theme
You never realize how much some people tinker with their posts until you use an RSS reader to check for updates.
Posted by fad at 11:12am
Ok, Some Context
Well of course they have to go to Satanic Ritual Abuse identification class. The next Wenatchee ain't gonna be found by just eating donuts.
Posted by fad at 10:33am
No Editing Saves Time
July? Fuck that! I'll write my own.
Posted by fad at 9:54am
Yes, This Is Amusing Me
Five hours, yes, but damn fine bread.
Posted by fad at 9:47am
Titles Are Tough
I never realized how bitter and pathetic a deity could be.
Posted by fad at 9:45am
December 20th, 2004
Reels Me Back In
Ok, I had planned to let this category more or less die off, but ain't love grand?
Posted by fad at 4:38pm
The Jokes Which Amuse Me Are The Weakest
A short trailer for the new "Pink Panther" movie starring Steve Martin is out. Ok, probably too early to tell, but, um...looks like crap. Grade B crap would be my guess, but we won't be able to tell for sure until the full corn count is in.
Posted by fad at 4:23pm
And After All My Rehearsing At The Mall
"TLC Not Looking to Replace 'Left Eye'"Damn. Yet another career set back for me.
Posted by fad at 3:15pm
Aw Man....
"Makeshift guinea pig parachute called 'prank gone bad'"I think the headline says enough.
Posted by fad at 1:50pm
Distractions
Castro, in his deep, dear love for his people (meaning he owns their lives), held nationwide, every person military drills lately. Let's see what the AP can tell us about the situation.Since even before the United States launched its unilateral attack on Iraq last year, Cuba has insisted that a similar U.S. strike is possible.Remember, "unilateral" means "without France or Germany". That definition, as established two years ago going against the very long history of the word, has not changed. Such a beautiful language of evolution English can be.
'There are Cubans of every color, making up a precious rainbow, but all have the same language, purpose, ideal: that unity is our most powerful weapon,'' Castro told civilians in HavanaAt first that sounds so beautiful until you see that "same language" line. Why must they have only one language? What use is literacy if it comes with the shiny jackboot of cultural destruction? Maybe Castro isn't as progressive as we thought. I sure hope that free health care covers the mental anguish suffered by those under this cultural destruction.
Posted by fad at 12:08pm
A Christmas Wish
I wish I was made of pewter.
Posted by fad at 10:56am
Connections. Everywhere, Connections
So Bush is "Person of the Year", yet more proof that he is a modern day Hitler. Der Fuhrer was given that honor exactly 66 years before Der Fucker. Bush, Hitler, 66. I think you see it all coming together. 66 is near where the social security eligibility limit used to be. Social security, that very gift of a generic God that Bush is trying to destroy just like Hitler would have had he been given the chance. Anyway, I don't think anyone can deny it now that this is the final proof that these dark days with George Bush are worse than any day with Hitler. 66 times worse. Worse yet, you add in Pac-Man, whose name contains 6 letters, and you get 666. I'll be spending the day staring at the sun. It's due to turn to blood any day now. Or maybe oil. Yeah, definitely oil. Hitler brand oil.
Posted by fad at 10:15am
Burned Out Feeling Years Ago
As it is well established that I am a fucking idiot, I thought I'd take the time to discuss one of the more well known manifestations of this idiocy: the fact that I wear shorts pretty much no matter the weather conditions, but only in winter is it really noticed. For this purpose, "winter" is defined as "a time when you commonly have two days in a row where temperatures do not go above freezing", not just those months in a more temperate place.Today I thought I'd help out others who may wish to try this by explaining how it is done.
- The first thing to understand is that the cold is not your enemy; wind is. Even a small breeze. I have stood in shorts out in 5 degree, windless weather and not even had to put any effort into it. I actually believe shorts feel warmer on a windless day than pants or jeans because with pants, the material gets really cold and touches the skin. It's like the difference between being out on a 60 degree day or dunked in a 60 degree tank of water. However, once the wind starts blowing, 25 and below get awful tough. Take this into mind when you're just starting out at this. Always check the weather before going out. Carefully, I must add. I once saw it was 22 degrees out, hopped about my business, remarked to someone later that it seemed awful cold for 22 only to have them inform me that I had overlooked that little "-" in front of the 22. Wear the shorts on calm days, then work up to the windier ones, but don't be overly stupid. The worst I ever went to was walking out when there was a -70 wind chill. You don't want to go that far. Allow my idiocy to be your guide here.
- Next, realize that you are really only exposing a very small amount of skin to the elements. Bundle up the rest of yourself -- especially the extremities -- and it gets even easier. A nice winter coat that goes below the waist (my old one was long enough sometimes it looked like I was going completely pantless out in the cold. Yup, that's why I was such a devil with the ladies), good gloves, good shoes with thick socks. If all the important areas are warm, then you won't notice the bit of cold on your legs. One added tip that is probably only helpful to the womyn out there: leg hair does make a noticeable difference.
- Now the real trick. You have to be aware of the cold, but also separated from it. If you can stay distracted, somewhat ignoring it, then it's easier to do. This part is a little hard to explain, but it comes down to an attitude of, "Yes, I know it's cold, but I simply refuse to feel it." Practice is necessary to build this up. The one thing most that can shatter any concentration or the ability to maintain out in the cold is if you let yourself shiver. Once you shiver, it's over. Get inside as soon as possible. Another sign to get inside because you've taken it too far is when your knees hurt. Now I'm not talking the skin, but the inside of the joint itself starting to ache really bad. That was really in evidence in the -70 wind chill mentioned above.
- Lastly, you need to have a little patience with your fellow man. This is considered an odd behavior by most, so many will feel the need to comment on this as if you are not aware you are wearing shorts. These range from the angry/bitchy end where once, while walking passed some dorms someone yelled out, "This is fucking Wisconsin, you goddamn idiot!" (this was early in my development as an idiot). Another time, checking in to a building, the woman there, in a clipped and bitchy tone, said, "Aren't you cold?" You will hear this one a lot. My favorite response -- being the one I gave to that woman -- "Well of course I am! I'm wearing shorts for God's sake!"
After the angry/bitchy ones, will come the ones that question your sanity. The best one of these happened as I walked passed the art building when some guy, pierced to all hell around his face, looked at me and said, "Are you crazy?!?!"
Finally, there will be the attempts at comedy. What I got a lot, after someone learned I had just moved to the midwest from southern California was this, "California, eh? Cold enough for ya?" "Um...I'm wearing shorts. I think I've adapted." But you won't have to have just moved to get the "Cold enough for ya?" line. It is a definite favorite amongst those who cannot let a shorts wearer in winter go by without comment.
Posted by fad at 9:15am
December 19th, 2004
Link Updated Accordingly
Florida Cracker tells the .net world where to stick it. It's .org time.
Posted by fad at 11:06am