December 4th, 2004
Site News
Updated both the web server and PHP this evening. Everything should work just fine, but let me know if anything goes wonky.
Posted by fad at 9:56pm
Embracing The Past
For those who care, I fixed the archiving problem, so the link to the archives has returned. That dark cloud hanging over your weekend has lifted.UPDATE: Oh yeah. I should note this is all archives from everywhere except the blogspot stuff.
Posted by fad at 4:37pm
December 3rd, 2004
Out
Ok, I think I'll leave this up through the night until I get around to it tomorrow morning. I thought about taking it down earlier so that you could laugh with your secret knowledge at everyone who missed it, but, obviously, didn't.Have a good weekend.
Posted by fad at 6:07pm
Science!
And those wussy environmentalists try to tell us that chemicals like antifreeze are bad for us.Dogs with paralyzed hind legs regained the ability to walk after getting a shot of a chemical cousin of antifreeze that helped repair nerve cells in their damaged spinal cords, scientists reported.Plus it gives cheap, French wine that non-blinding kick it needs.
Posted by fad at 4:53pm
Oxford Smash
Is this that irony the British are always saying we Americans don't get?A group of students smashed 17 bottles of wine, every piece of crockery and a window at the 15th Century White Hart pub in Fyfield, near Oxford.Because it's not quite a bit of the ultraviolence. Sounds fun. Well, if it wasn't my pub or I wasn't planning to drink the destroyed stuff.
Landlord Ian Rogers said the ringleader claimed to be from the Bullingdon Club, a century-old hellraisers' club.
[...]
Mr Rogers, 42, said of the incident: "It was very peculiar. They were not rude or violent to my staff.
"Even when I pulled them off each other when they were fighting and chucking bottles at the walls, they would say 'Sorry old chap, just a bit of high spirits'."
Waitress Nicola Rees, 23, said: "They were acting out some kind of ritual. It was not through excess drinking, it was planned.
"They were not really drunk or throwing up. They had not come here to eat, they had come to trash the place.
"Apparently it's been going on for years. It's some kind of tradition."
Posted by fad at 4:10pm
Bounce
When I was a kid I played a lot of basketball. Hours a day, weather permitting -- and even then, I'd often play in the rain. But I don't know if I could have played this much basketball.A 30-hour, 12-minute basketball game played at a Nebraska high school in August is officially the world's longest.Bravo on the mental toughness to keep going even when you were down nearly 100 points, though.
[...]
The game started at 8 a.m. on Aug. 6 at Beatrice High between an Orange and White team. It ended at 2:12 p.m. on Aug. 7 with the Orange team winning 4,107-4,018. The previous world record was 26 hours, 42 minutes, set in March 2003.
Posted by fad at 3:22pm
Twas The Night Before Shut The Fuck Up
Ah, shit.... I just realized this is also the season for every shitcrank hack to do their "Twas the Night Before Christmas" parody/homage/bullshit. Not even seen one yet, just knowing someone is out there working on one has damn near ruined by day.UPDATE: Any (more) attempts (since one snuck in before this warning was here) to do one of these in the comments will be deleted.
Posted by fad at 2:14pm
BREAKING! NEWS!
"Authorities Search Michael Jackson's Ranch in California"Oh no! NO!!!!! What'll we do? WHAT'LL WE DO!!! OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod! OH DEAR GOD!
There aren't enough heavens in my murgatroid to handle this suddenly breaking, emergency, must know news!
Posted by fad at 1:52pm
Pikatur
I haven't read much about the twin rovers on Mars, but this article is a nice catch up on the stuff Opportunity has been getting in to.Ok, I actually linked the story because of the sunset (or maybe sunrise) picture from Mars is pretty cool.
Posted by fad at 1:05pm
It Is Fun To Scream The Word "Fascist"
How long before the serial vandalism of this starts?The air fairly quivered with praise as speakers at Thursday's dedication of downtown Houston's $1.7 million George Bush Monument strove to describe the former president's virtues.I'm quite sure that soon someone will take out their rage at the current President Bush on that statue. Maybe this fellow.
[...]
Then the former president diffidently gestured to his 8-foot bronze statue, surrounded with bas-relief panels depicting the highlights of his life. "Now," he said, "the pigeons can come relax in this park."
The sole discordant note heard among Thursday's praise came from a solitary protester, who stood across the street from the sculpture park shouting "No more Bush! No more Bush!" and waving a sign bearing anti-Bush slogans.And then maybe we'll get our first attempt to use Post Election Selection Trauma in court.
Posted by fad at 12:33pm
HHSless
Oh no! Not Tommy Thompson too!Thompson submitted his resignation to Bush, and planned to announce his departure at a Friday afternoon news conference, said an official close to the former Wisconsin governor who asked not to be identified.Damn secret identities. We should not allow super heroes to be part of cabinet staffs.
Posted by fad at 11:09am
More Monies
"Most nations back Annan in oil-for-food scandal"It's only fair since he's been fronting for them for so long.
Posted by fad at 10:32am
Bad Mojo
Well, ain't this fellow quite the prize.With his strangled mother stuffed into a closet nearby, [a man] invited a woman over for sex and then considered killing her, too, when she refused his advancesI know some chicks dig assholes, but he was definitely carrying it a bit far.
[...]
[He] has confessed he and his mother argued about his divorce from estranged wife [...]. [He] said he then strangled his mother with a scarf.
Later that day, he took a woman home. She didn't want to have sex with him, [he] allegedly told investigators. He thought about killing her, but instead took her to a bus stop the next day.
On Sunday, [he] got in an argument with [his estranged wife] at his mother's house. That argument ended with [him] using a belt from a robe to strangle both his wife and infant son
Outside, several of his relatives gathered and said [he] was not the "monster" that the media made him out to be.Sigh. Of course they do. He's a swell guy who can turn every puppy into a rainbow and every frown into a big bucket of cocoa. They always are.
"I'm still in shock," said [his cousin]. "I do forgive my cousin. I support my cousin."
Posted by fad at 10:26am
Get This Out Of The Way
"Diplomats: Iran may have nuke equipment"Iran may be hiding equipment from the U.N. nuclear watchdog agency, foiling efforts to police a freeze of all programs that Tehran could use to make nuclear weapons, diplomats said Thursday.With cheese!
Posted by fad at 7:30am
Stupid Wausau
I've always been more of a directions by landmark rather than street name type of guy anyway.The problem dates from 1991 and the collapse of Albania's communist regime.We once spent an hour crawling through the streets of Waukesha, WI, looking for a house my mother had lived in as a child whose location she knew based off seeing some tree she still expected to be there 45 years on. Amazingly it was.
The old communist-era street names were torn down, but little progress has been made towards replacing them - many street signs are still scratched out or missing completely.
[...]
So the BBC bureau was described to me not by its postal address, but by the words "the big green building opposite the photo developers in the street facing the Sky Tower".
Still sounds better than Wausau, WI, which is divided by a river. It's streets are all named with numbers. On one side of the river there's a 39th St.; on the other there's a 39th Ave. (or whatever). They just plain started over with the numbering on each side. If you do not know this fact, you will find yourself huddled in a mini-mart on the other side of town lost, scared and chased by wolves.
Posted by fad at 7:18am
Colin's Accent Still Cracks Me Up
All you Jesusland freakazoids who refused to bow before Oliver Stone's genius because your rancid homophobia tricked you into thinking it was just a really crappy movie with lousy accents, bad hair, and, well, Oliver Stone's ooze all over it have suffered a setback.Greek lawyers have indicated they have no plans to take legal action against the makers of film epic Alexander, after viewing an advanced screening.Looks like you're stuck weeping into your water which your Boy still hasn't turned into wine for you.
The lawyers' leader, Mr Varnakos, denied homophobia was the motive behind their action.Uh huh.
"We would have reacted the same was if the issue didn't involve homosexuality," he said.
"We just don't want a distortion of historical facts."
Posted by fad at 6:49am
Monies
Isn't one of the template stories every election cycle -- even in the 90s -- that Democrats are always at a disadvantage because Republicans get all that sweet, sweet fatcat cash while the Democrats can only hope for a spare $0.50 from some widowed grandma in Florida who, that week, switched to sub-generic dog food? At least that's one of the excuses I remember Soros using for his 527 activities this last cycle. Well, tain't true.The DNC raised $402 million from January 2003 through Nov. 22, the period covered in its new campaign finance report. The RNC said it took in $385 million and wasn't questioning the Democratic committee's financial edge.Oh yeah, and Terry McAuliffe opened his mouth and stupid noises came out.
"We had every player on the field in this election and we got to the 1-yard line."Gravy on toast, Terry, care to pack in a few more cliches just to be safe? Though, just as a reminder, remember, you can't have every player on the field at the same time. There is a limit to how many can be out there at one time. That's why there's a bench.
Posted by fad at 6:39am
The P-D Sucks
I often bitch about the quality of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch not only because it's fun, but because it really is a lousy quality paper. They make no effort to proof anything they put up on their website (I know I don't either, but I ain't a newspaper. I'm just a damn genius who's too busy solving tomorrow's problems to worry about yesterday's typos), which doesn't make much sense to me. Where are they getting that copy from? Does somebody actually have to retype all those stories again just so they can go on the website, or do these mistakes also filter into the print version?But another reason is the lower-than-a-high-school-paper quality of the editorials. It's not so much bias, such as that goes, but the near idiot naiveté of them. Here's is the conclusion to an editorial on the status of the Solomon Amendment which allows federal funds to be cut off from schools which deny access to military recruiters (obstensibly over the military's stance on gays, but, unless you're a willingly starry eyed fool like the P-D, it's really just anti-military with that as its excuse).
Ultimately, the U.S. Supreme Court will have to decide the issue. The court should look for an answer that is consistent with the role of great universities in fostering debate and free thinking and debunking orthodoxies of all stripes.Thank God I didn't eat breffest this morning, or I would have puked up my pork rinds reading a shitpile like that. Crap like that is straight out of a grade school book report. Of course, it could be worse. They could just be condescending to the level they think their audience is at, but I happen to think they really are just shithole writers and thinkers over there.
Posted by fad at 6:07am
JG Day
So instead of trying out a new name, I thought -- as a one day only thing -- I'd toss on one of the old ones. Mr. Chaffin -- who seems to be nostalgic for quite a few things -- mentioned something about it in the comments, and I figured what the hell. Besides, the poor guy already had to endure 18 months with no Jeff Goldstein, then had to watch as Ken Layne went crazy. It's the least I can do. Of course, it's just cosmetic. I don't think I can pull off the confidence and attitude anymore, but what the hell.
Posted by fad at 6:02am
December 2nd, 2004
Argh
All week I've gotten stuck in lines behind old people who feel a compulsion to pay with exact change. As Moe once said, "Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything."Tomorrow is the last day of the exciting name tryout week. I hope you've been having as much fun with it as I have. Ok, I'm the only one amused, but it's better than me storming your home and shoving a sharp stick in your eye.
Posted by fad at 7:03pm
Mind Processes Sludged
Oh yeah....I've had no caffeine today. That explains a lot. Like this pounding headache and all the visions. Maybe Jesus really doesn't want me to create a paradise at the intersection of 141 and Ladue of nightly performances of a one man show about a man watching "Evita" who likes to sing along, but doesn't know the words. Then again, safe than sorry might apply.
Posted by fad at 3:52pm
Wind Blower
"Bob Dylan: 'I'm no prophet'"Well, shit. Another shrine I have to dismantle. But I could swear he cured my dropsy back in '88.
Posted by fad at 2:49pm
Tell Olbermann. This Could Be Voter Fraud
Just checked my mail (the generally non-electronic version) for the first time in a month. Somehow I got on the mailing list for the Democratic Party of Washington state. They want(ed) me to vote for some candidate out there. Oh well, it's their money. Had I been running the mailing list, I might have considered trying to filter out addresses 2/3rds of the way across the country.
Posted by fad at 2:44pm
Pineapple
So what did I see on my dear friend TeeVee last night? Well, besides the rather amazing episode of South Park, TeeVee revealed that Hardees/Carl's Jr. has followed up this commercial with one that features a woman fisting her own mouth.I'm beginning to notice a trend.
Posted by fad at 1:16pm
Meow
It is in the charter of this site that stories like this one must be mentioned here.The case began when St. Clair County Deputy Scott Toth was called to investigate a blue 1996 Chevrolet that was in a ditch. Authorities said the car had severe front-end damage but no driver.But wait! There's one more detail that needs a-mentioning.
Toth left the vehicle to try to locate the car's owner, then returned to find a man on a tractor trying to pull the car from the ditch
[...]
[The man] drove the tractor to a neighbor's home with Toth in pursuit, then ran and hid behind a grain bin, Johnson said. Toth arrested him for driving under the influence.
During his search of Jenkins, Toth also found an injured kitten in his shirt pocket. Jenkins said the kitten had been inside the Chevrolet and was injured when the car hit a power pole, and he put it in his pocket to keep it warm,No word on why he was driving around drunk with a kitten in his truck. We probably don't want to know the reason.
Posted by fad at 1:11pm
I'm Guessing GTA Is Off Limits Too
Prison just got a little less fun.Prison officials are no longer allowing Missouri's most violent criminals to have access to video games with titles like "Hitman: Contracts."Well at least we found out who actually bought "Hitman" which was reported from all sources I read to be a crap game.
Officials on Wednesday pulled 35 of more than 80 Sony PlayStation 2 games from the recreation center at the state's new maximum-security facility after being told they simulate murder, carjackings and the killing of police officers.
Posted by fad at 1:04pm
Fermented Cabbage
It's about time someone recognized the inherent sexiness of sauerkraut.Smith, 36, is vice president of marketing for the Ohio-based Fremont Co., one of the nation's largest sauerkraut producers and maker of the Frank's brand of sauerkraut. His great-grandfather started the company in 1905. Nearly 100 years later, Smith is on a mission to reinvent sauerkraut as a versatile, healthy and, yes, sexy food.God bless you, sir.
With the help of Chicago marketing firm BIGfrontier, the Fremont Co. is pushing to sell younger consumers on the fermented vegetable, starting with a kraut-inspired cocktail being introduced today at the swanky Rush Street nightclub Le Passage. People will be served "K'Tinis" -- martinis with sauerkraut-stuffed, vermouth-marinated olives. Similar events are planned for Miami and New York.Ooo....sauerkraut stuffed olives. Thankfully it's close to lunch time or such dreams of 'kraut would be torture. As I've often said, if you don't like sauerkraut, then you're just evil.
Posted by fad at 11:24am
He Should Be Fine
"Report: Jerry Orbach diagnosed with prostate cancer"That's what you get for putting Baby in the corner.
(I've been resisting this one all morning and have, for the moment, given in.)
Posted by fad at 10:57am
Too Bad They Don't Grow On The Shores Of Lake Titicaca
Word of the day found.Japanese researchers say they have produced rubber from a natural substance extracted from an edible, wild mushroom commonly found in the country.Too bad it's difficult to work "chichitake" into a conversation. Oh, wait. I don't have conversations. I assume people would rather not hear from me. I'm usually right. I'll just go into the middle of the grocery and see how fast and loud I can say it. That always makes me lots of temporary friends in uniforms and long coats. I like long coats.
Researchers at Gunma University, west of Tokyo, have not only produced rubber from the chichitake mushroom but the end-product has the advantage of not containing a protein that can cause allergies
Posted by fad at 10:45am
Better Than A Flood Of Molasses
Mmm.....rich, creamery butter.An intense fire consumed half of the roof of the Associated Milk Producers Inc. butter packaging plant on Wednesday night, and sent melted butter flowing out of the facility.Too bad it's not summer. It'd make frying those eggs on the sidewalk that much tastier.
[...]
Officials expressed concern that the melted butter would interfere with the railroad tracks bordering the plant's east end or flow into the Minnesota River, which is just a few blocks from the plant.
Posted by fad at 10:25am
December 1st, 2004
Burninating
This overqualifies as a rally bad drinking experience.A student was severely burned during a fraternity drinking ritual when an oil lantern ignited a bottle of nearly pure grain alcohol, police said.I have a friend who claims he can make a candle from the tube from a toilet paper roll and some everclear. I don't know if he actually can because that's usually when I leave.
Posted by fad at 5:44pm
I Miss The Steve Levy And Craig Kilborn Sportscenter
The oversaturation of ESPN continues.ESPN Mobile will start U.S. service in the second half of 2005 -- with a national roll-out toward the end of the year or the beginning of 2006 -- with streaming sports videos, as well as graphics and news, ESPN's new media chief John Skipper told reporters during a conference call.I wonder if the phones' only allowed ringtone will be that "da-da-da da-da-da" Sportscenter bit.
Posted by fad at 5:33pm
Next They'll Allow The Mixture Of Peanut Butter And Chocolate
The phrase is an overused joke, but unavoidable here.City officials in Provo, Utah, are doing something about inter-species harmony.Cats and dogs living together. They call this progress?
Right now it's against the law to have both cats and dogs under the same roof. After getting complaints, the City Council is expected to change the law next week.
Posted by fad at 3:38pm
Only Went There For Hot Sauce
Minnesota, are you just gonna take this?It takes about two days to explore Beijing's new Golden Resources Shopping Mall — the world's largest. Minnesota's "Mall of America" is 4 million square feet. Golden Resources, built in an impressive 20 months and opened Oct. 24, is 6 million square feet.They're coming after your nice next.
Posted by fad at 3:28pm
Advertising And Sports: A Shameful Combination
Oh yeah, did anyone else notice that Golden Palace dot com got some fans at Monday night's Packers/Rams game to display banners behind the goal posts advertising the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwhich it bought?
Posted by fad at 3:23pm
Though I Never See A Dentist
I've never had a cavity, but maybe someday everyone will be like me. Well, on that point. You don't want to be like me in any other way.The Oragenics therapy replaces the bacteria that convert sugar to lactic acid, which causes cavities, with genetically modified bacteria that do not produce lactic acid. The company says the one-time application, which is swabbed onto the teeth, takes about a year to fully take effect.Soon there will be protests against Frankenteeth outside your local strip-mall dentist's office.
Posted by fad at 2:54pm
She Only Poisons Because She Loves
Once again, it's love to the rescue.Carrie Lynn Wheeler, 31, admitted she mixed rat poison into tacos and served them to her husband. She also admitted grinding up prescription medications and putting them in a drink.And who knows? Maybe a little rat poison here and there really improved her cooking.
[...]
"Knowing Carrie, my wife, this doesn't quite fit," Wheeler said. "I feel the sentence is too heavy."
Posted by fad at 2:34pm
Alcohol Can't Even Goggle Me Upwards In Chance
British movie goers will be treated to ads dedicated to ruining any guy's chances this Christmas season.The advert starts with a young woman sitting at her desk, dressed in a smart suit.I thought that's the definition of a good night.
It then switches to her on an evening out, where she gets drunk, is sick in the toilets of a nightclub and ends up in the gutter holding on to one of her friends.
Posted by fad at 2:11pm
Jokeless
Tofu bones?A material made from the vegetarian food tofu could help repair broken bones and teeth, UK scientists believe.I have no joke. Just thought this was interesting.
The de-fatted soybean curd would act like polyfiller to fill in defects.
It has the added advantage of encouraging new bone to grow as it biodegrades and releases natural anti-inflammatory agents.
Posted by fad at 2:08pm
Ahhhht
The most influential work of modern art has been named.A white gentleman's urinal has been named the most influential modern art work of all time.Permanently detatching (traditional artistic) talent from art. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but has resulted in a lot of crap where it seems the art is art precisely because most people don't think it's art.
[...]
"But it reflects the dynamic nature of art today and the idea that the creative process that goes into a work of art is the most important thing - the work itself can be made of anything and can take any form."
Posted by fad at 1:59pm
Repeat The Down
After further review, this morning's posts were shitcanned. I'll try to have some amusing stories and/or stupid jokes up this afternoon.
Posted by fad at 12:01pm
November 30th, 2004
More Than A Quarter Of A Hershey Bar Makes Me Feel Ill
One of the worst taste sensations I ever experienced was washing down a big bite of chocolate cake with a big swig of Bass Ale. And the memory of that joyous fun came right back after reading this.Chocolate-makers have long mixed liqueurs into their creations. Now, a Chicago candy-maker has come up with a twist on the classic pairing -- beer-flavored chocolates.Red Stripe. Another taste sensation that, while not as unpleasant as the one above, is one I do not wish to repeat.
Chocolatier Katrina Markoff infuses her latest truffles with Jamaican Red Stripe beer
"Mmm, it's lovely," says Mindy Smith, a customer from Minneapolis who stops in whenever she's in town and also buys Vosges chocolates online, after polishing one off. "It's very dark. I taste no beer."What the hell use is beer flavored chocolate, then, that doesn't even taste like beer? Seriously, shouldn't the FDA or the FCC step in here? First Vioxx, now this.
Posted by fad at 12:12pm
Almost There
Oh, now this is pure genius. I'm surprised it has taken this long for someone to offer this service.An Australian phone company is offering customers the chance to blacklist numbers before heading out for a night on the town so they can reduce the risk of making any embarrassing, incoherent late-night calls.Now if only someone would do the same for email, chat or commenting that'd probably eliminate 85% of all telephone and interactive internet evening use.
Posted by fad at 7:19am
There Are Probably Many More
Another apparent victim of the molestation witchhunts of the mid 80s through mid 90s has been freed.A man who was accused of molesting more than a dozen children in North Carolina has been set free after 14 years behind bars because the victims recanted.Stories like this, the McMartin Preschool, and especially the Wenatchee cases which were the peak and likely the step that finally brought an end to the large scale witch hunts (though I'm sure they still happen in smaller, individual scales to this day), besides just the damage they do to the accused, the damage done convincing "victims" what was done to them, undermine the effectiveness of investigating and convicting those evil people who truly do molest kids by placing -- sometimes unfair -- doubt as to the motives and methods of any investigator or prosecutor.
[...]
When Parker was charged in 1990, authorities said at least 19 children had been attacked in Monroe, where he lived. Police found no physical evidence, even though children told stories of being tied to trees and fed poisoned ice cream. They also gave a wide range of descriptions of their attacker.
(Moved down the page a bit so that something about child molestation wouldn't be the top of the page all day)
Posted by fad at 7:18am
Where Party Doesn't Matter
There's lots to mock about the Daley family in Chicago -- and they provide plenty of fun -- but some to praise as well.Mayor Richard Daley's 29-year-old son has enlisted in the Army and will soon report for duty in the airborne infantry.Daley may be the most prominent elected official to have a child enlist in these last couple years.
Daley finished college at the University of Illinois and got a master's degree in business from the University of Chicago in June. He could have pursued lucrative job offers, but said the Sept. 11 attacks played a role in his decision to enlist.
[...]
Daley will report for duty after Christmas and could be sent to Iraq or Afghanistan within a year. "Think of it. It's amazing. I get to serve my country," he said.
Posted by fad at 7:17am
Space!
Another purdy picture from Saturn (larger versions available here).
Posted by fad at 7:08am
An Open Letter
Dear ABC,Brett Favre's wife has cancer. She is going through chemo. I sincerely doubt she wants to be shown on camera every 15 seconds. Nor do I think that being battered with the information that she has cancer and is undergoing such treatments should be presented through your "heartwarming story" template. Show her husband looking up to where she is sitting all you want, but give her at least a little privacy.
Thank you,
assplow
Posted by fad at 6:47am
An Ok Second Half
It's time for the review the last half of the month's interesting search hits. Otherwise known as "not having to think at all blogging"; otherwise known as "putting in more effort than a wire journalist who just copies and pastes some goody-goody group's press releases". In the words of the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland, here we go!- how to crash a wedding
- Dude, you don't crash weddings. You crash receptions. But only if there's an open bar or at least one bottle of champagne provided per bridesmaid. And bigger weddings are always easier.
- fucking idiot
- If that's what you're looking for, then you've come to the right place.
- mess home filth pictures
- Ditto.
- childe porno
- I don't get as many people looking for the "childe" (always spelled with that extra 'e') porn as I used to, but I mention it here to raise the odds these sick fucks get stuck wasting at least some time with this crap rather than being successful in their searching.
- The Underwear Farm, waldorf
- Sorry, I don't want anything to do with apples and mayonnaise in my underwear.
- long john silver's stupid
- Honestly, I wouldn't know. I've never eaten at one.
- accident porn games
- Uhh...
- fucking farm
- This is a general theme, along with farm f u c k or farm fucking or farm fuck or fuck farm.
- feared and wacky dresses in singapore
- This one gets an, "Uhh....," too.
- ex-ninja farm
- As I've said before, there is no such thing as an ex-ninja. Once a ninja, always a ninja. Especially when dues are up.
- cambodian fucking
- Got this one a few times. I'm not sure if it's a new trend, or if I just hadn't used the word "cambodian" before.
Posted by fad at 6:32am
At Least Neither Dance With Vacuums
NBC aired yet another Princess Di tape last night adding yet another entry into the exciting competition to see who will have the most releases after death: Diana or Tupac. I'm really hoping someone finds a tape of them collaborating on some tracks. That'd be the ultimate. Or, maybe even better, final proof of my theory that she was the one who ordered the retaliation murder of Biggie Smalls and her "car crash" was just a retaliation for that.
Posted by fad at 6:03am
November 29th, 2004
Ahhhht
"Exhibit re-envisions Michelangelo's David""Re-envision" rarely means something good, at least to me. Usually it has little to do with the thing at hand and everything to do with the ego and/or lack of imagination of the re-envisioner.
Works by five current artists are mixed up among gilded frames and Renaissance Madonnas in a sky-lit room presided over by David, glowing brighter after a birthday cleaning.What did some of these artists think of David?
Several of the artists admitted that Michelangelo wasn't one of their favorites.So, that would lead me to believe that their works probably won't have much to do with David as much as with themselves since there is no real inspiration. Let's look.
In the catalog, Morris refers to the Renaissance master's well-muscled nudes as "Grade A beef." German artist Georg Baselitz told reporters that when he first saw the David, "it didn't appeal to me much."
His sculpture, displayed in David's shadow, depicts a leg and shin that look like they were carved with a hatchet.Which makes perfect sense. Not all were like that. I kind of like this one, a little.
Greek-born artist Jannis Kounellis designed a maze made of iron that visitors can walk into. In one corner lies a heap of coal.
His piece is titled "The Birthday Boy." In a darkened room, two video screens show academics lecturing - somewhat pompously - on Michelangelo's depiction of the biblical hero who braved Goliath.But mostly the artists aren't all that impressed with David. Many seem mostly amused at all the rubes who are.
Their remarks become more and more surreal.
"David, put some pants on and play the air guitar," one professor urges. The other intones, "Today, David might get his start in a Calvin Klein underwear ad."
The academics riff on the possible interpretations of the David - an icon of "heroic self-importance"; a symbol of white oppression; a glorification of violent youth. Eventually, the statue morphs into a middle-aged man and a young black woman.
Posted by fad at 5:02pm
My Sickness
Here are the 5 Best Books I Read In The Last Year.- (I'm not telling)
- (You'd just laugh at me)
- (I'm afraid I'd sound pretentious. Plus I didn't really understand it, so am afraid to mention it.)
- Sears Catalog: Selected Readings
- (An idiot like me shouldn't be reading stuff like this, anyway)
Posted by fad at 3:49pm
Science!
The newest innovation in stripperwear since clear plastic heels is coming soon.As if a plain old thong wasn't enough to accentuate what isn't covered, a Rice University MBA student has shed some neon light on the skin with a glow-in-the-dark version.God bless the United States of America.
[...]
The thongs have lightweight, water-resistant batteries that, when fully charged, illuminate the straps for two hours in various neon colors, including blue, pink and yellow. Wearers can use a wall adapter to charge them up, but car chargers are available for those on the go.
Posted by fad at 1:17pm
A Statement In Want Of A Larger Post
I couldn't help the feeling, whenever studying various ideas for Participatory Democracy, that when the community was called together to debate and vote, it would be over the color of the trucks, not whether or not the trucks were actually necessary.
Posted by fad at 1:05pm
Replace Leash With Noose And Now We're Talking
I can't imagine the joy of trying to put a leash on a cat.The Normal city council has adopted a cat leash law that goes into effect tomorrow.Ok, so this story is dull except for one thing that caught me eyes.
The new law doesn't allow unlicensed people to trap cats, but it allows the town to work with two agencies -- Animal Control and Sterile Feral Foundation -- to control cat colonies.You mean in Normal, IL, you're not allowed to kil....er..capture a cat without a license? Goddamn Bushitler.
Posted by fad at 1:00pm
The Castro The
"Commerce nominee fled Cuba as a child"Well, then good thing he's not up for Education or Health and Human Services because he clearly must be against health care and literacy.
Posted by fad at 12:11pm
This Will Likely Only Amuse Me
It's "New Name Tryout Week" here at Farm Accident Digest. I've never been satisfied with "fad", though it is functional and far, far superior to the ridiculously pretentious "Rodya" I first rolled out. So each day, I'm going to try on a new one to see how it fits, make sure it doesn't chafe unpleasantly or cause an unusual rash.Of course I only decided on this a couple minutes ago, so the first name will get gipped with only a half day, but if it is so bothered by that, it can go through the official appeal channels.
Posted by fad at 11:46am
Hot Tamales
Oh no! A dear friend is in crisis!Tequila is suffering an identity crisis: The original poor man's liquor has earned status and trademark protection but now must fight to defend its name and its niche in a fickle international marketplace.Like all good friends, there are times when they make you want to puke, or give you headaches. And there are times when sometimes too much of them means you just can't talk to them for a while. But you always go back, and you always help when they're in need. We're there for you, tequila. Be strong.
So began the agave rush. Mexican farmers planted so many that prices are falling again, threatening a tequila glut in about three years.That's the spirit.
Posted by fad at 10:56am
He Never Thought It Would Happen To Him
And me without $70,000 lying around."We believe this is the first printed pornography in English literature, a unique copy of the quintessence of debauchery," Peter Beal, Sotheby's book specialist said.Though I nearly blew all the money I do have on this.
[...]
The book centers on the decision made by a lustful King to "set the nation free" by allowing "buggary" to be "used thro' all the land" and then details the dire consequences.
The book, the only surviving copy, will be auctioned on December 16.
A platinum, diamond-studded figurine of Hello Kitty, the hugely popular feline character, has been sold for the equivalent of $102,000 by a department store in the Japanese city of Osaka.But $102,000 is too steep even for a Hello Kitty figure. My limit is around $92,000.
The 4.1 cm (1.6 in.) tall figurine, dressed in a queen's outfit and studded with 250 diamonds, was produced to celebrate the 30th birthday of the famous white cat with no mouth.
Posted by fad at 9:52am
Some Write Themselves
Jacques Chirac has shuffled his ministers a bit. Goodness that sounds naughty.French President Jacques Chirac has chosen his farm minister to take over the task of overseeing the economy.Shame on him for not putting dissenters into major government positions. It's just appalling that Chirac surrounds himself with like-thinking toadies who are loyal to his policies.
[...]
Mr Gaymard is a Chirac loyalist, and a former junior finance minister.
Posted by fad at 6:20am
Girl Power
The march towards full equality between the sexes gets closer to its end. Which is good because my feet ache.The number of teenage girls bingeing on alcohol has overtaken rates among boys for the first time, UK figures show.See, it's all about the give and take. We have to meet in the middle. We'll get there together. Someday.
[...]
The study revealed binge drinking levels had fallen for boys since the last survey in 1999, while those among girl showed an upwards trend.
Someday.
Posted by fad at 6:12am
A Premature Year End List
- Best Movie I First Saw In The Last Year
Big Fish
Enjoyed it the first time I saw it. Then watched it again a couple months later and it really hit. - Worst Movie I First Saw In The Last Year
Return of the King
I've watched it several times trying very hard to like it, but, to me, it's just not a very good movie. A great looking movie, but not a good one overall. Hopefully the fancy-lad version in a couple weeks will fix that. - Real Worst Movie I First Saw In The Last Year When I'm Not Bitching About Return of the King
Freddy vs. Jason
I don't believe an explanation is necessary - Movie I Most Want To See That's Out Right Now
Sideways
And, glory be, it's playing just a couple miles down the road. Heck, that's walking distance. - All Time Movie I'm Still Angry I Let Myself Be Talked Into Seeing
How To Make An American Quilt
Winona Ryder would make a fine mute.
Posted by fad at 6:09am
November 28th, 2004
Worthless Update Made
It always sort of bugged me that there was no Friday entry for the Blueleks Le Rejet thing, so I fixed that.
Posted by fad at 4:37pm