November 13th, 2004

Winner Of The Least Expected Comment Ever

Mr. Engin. He left a second comment with his phone number, but I decided that probably wasn't a good idea.

Posted by fad at 4:22pm

Shiny Side Out

Cheney is being checked for shortness of breath. Hopefully he is well, but cue all conspiracies that this was planned all along that he'd have to step aside for "health reasons" after the election.

Posted by fad at 2:02pm

Farm Accident Digest Culinary Corner

Pepsi Holiday Spice: Interesting flavor, but it tends to hang around long after the party is already over. We here have to give it a disappointed thumbs down.

BLT on Homemade Bacon/Sundried Tomato Bread: Huge thumbs up, but we knew that going in since it's been one of our favorites for years.

Posted by fad at 1:22pm

November 12th, 2004

Off

And with that, I'm done. Have a good weekend. I should be back at it on Monday.

Posted by fad at 5:40pm

One Year Interview

For those who don't know, since next week marks one year of this site, I decided I wanted to be interviewed. Since no one in their right mind would interview or profile a minor, dinky blog like this, I decided to request questions from readers. Six readers sent in questions, and my thanks to them for taking the time.

Questions and Answers Here.

Posted by fad at 5:14pm

That Trial

Was in some ways more annoying than the election, but thank God it's over. That's all I'm going to say about the whole thing.

Well, except that the USA Network movie was a stunning cinematic achievement. If you missed it, you have my sympathies. And you're a loser.

Posted by fad at 3:54pm

Prison Food

Hey, you! Yeah, you, right there. You know who you are. Wanna support the efforts of prisoners and get a good meal? Here's your chance.

Inmates at the Walla Walla prison have just produced "The Convict Cookbook," which includes recipes that can actually be made inside a cell without a stove.

What delights will they help us make?

Po' Mans Burritos, Cell Block Fudge or Jail Mix, anyone? How about Dope Fiend Sandwich or Prizzon Po Carcass Casserole?

I don't know about you, and call me squeamish if you like, but I ain't eating anything called "Cell Block Fudge".

Jailhouse Pizza uses uncooked Top Ramen as the crust and tops it with pizza sauce, cheese spread, some pepperoni or summer sausage and corn chips.

I think this will be a hit for college kids.

Posted by fad at 2:38pm

That's "Ier"

Once again, evidence that we should return to a cash only society.

The second man asked for money and said, "It's up to you. I mean, your congregation could get shot up or your church could burn down."

Nice church, here. Be a shame if it got....broke.

The Rev. [...] was short of cash, so he offered to write each man a check for $150. The men agreed, making certain the pastor knew the correct spellings of their names.

Attention to detail needs to go too.

Posted by fad at 2:32pm

Science!

"Respiratory Problems Plague Kids With Asthma"

With cheese! Less cheesy is the news about air pollution and asthma.

"In our study, wintertime air pollution had no significant effect on asthma exacerbations or lung function. Upper respiratory functions, however, doubled the chances that a child would suffer an asthma exacerbation and more than quadrupled the odds that a child would suffer asthma symptoms," study author and pediatric allergist Dr. Nathan Rabinovitch said in a prepared statement.
[...]
"It is well known that upper respiratory infections can cause problems for people with asthma, but the air pollution results were a surprise," study co-author Dr. Erwin Gelfand

"Gelfand". Weren't those the creatures in The Dark Crystal?

Posted by fad at 11:52am

A Tease

Being the fancy-lad version, the approximate running time of this film is four days. This meant your friend Eager Jimmy would have to do something he never considered before: pace himself. Maybe I'm just growing up, or maybe the knowledge that not even the mighty Jimmy could down an estimated 47 beers and still remember most of what he saw, but this is a major turning point in my life. Hopefully it won't lead to careers and shit.

Luckily I was informed by OE Sam that the movie, after good scenes of ba'le, opens a little slow. "Starts all fucking war, man, then gets all fucking boring, man. Fucking boring." Sam has a way with words. This meant that I probably could get away with not having the requisite 6-pack required to enjoy any endeavor beforehand. I'd just need to be on my fourth to see the "fucking war" part, then work from there so that I'd have at least 6 when things start to get good.

Posted by fad at 10:20am

In Which He Mock Blogs Including His Own

I just found this article on Fark that involves someone doing something awful or destructive. There's no reason to link it other than to let us relish our non-awfulness in comparison.

Mr. Awfulperson did something awful. It's really quite terrible.

Let me instruct you in my moral superiority to this person by pointing out how awful they are for doing what they did. My condemnation makes me a better person.

Posted by fad at 10:00am

More Bland Food Than A Shaken Stick Can Handle

Damn! The one stock I wanted to own, and they snap it away from my clutching hands.

Buffets Holdings Inc., which operates the Old Country Buffet and HomeTown Buffet chains, has withdrawn a plan to sell up to $550 million in hybrid stock-debt securities in an initial public offering, according to a regulatory filing made today.

I once had a Thanksgiving meal at Old Country Buffet. It was....sad.

Posted by fad at 9:36am

The End Nears

Prepare, oh ye enlightened, prepare for the horror of The Inaugaration.

When President Bush takes his second oath of office Jan. 20 it will be his family's fifth inauguration ceremony, a day of pomp and pageantry set amid the icons of democracy

Icons? Don't you mean ikons?

With U.S. soldiers fighting in Iraq, the inauguration is expected to be filled with patriotic symbols

And anyone questioning the tastefulness of the decorations will immediately experience the terror of having their patriotism publicly doubted before being shipped off to one of the Halliburton run Bible Education and Polution Producing Labor camps.

Bush will first attend a morning church service with his wife, Laura, at St. John's Episcopal Church, on the other side of Lafayette Park from the White House, a tradition started by the Roosevelts in 1933.

Good God...he's going to immediately start it with Jesus stuff!

The tradition of the inaugural ball began in 1809, when first lady Dolley Madison hosted a gala for 400 people, a scale vastly eclipsed by today's elaborate balls, planned by a presidential inauguration committee and often funded by corporate sponsors and ticket sales.

The capitalist fucks have even dipped their blood stained hands into our inaugural balls.

In 2001, some 50,000 well-wishers attended eight inaugural balls, including the colorful Black Tie and Boots ball celebrating Bush's home state of Texas.

I hear tell that this year's will include homo sacrifices and book burnings. After which Bush will declare "marshall" law by putting on a tin star and a huge belt buckle.

Posted by fad at 8:38am

Nearly 100% Effective

"Shot shows promise as male contraceptive"

No thanks. I'll stick to my regimine of being incredibly ugly and creepy. Works like a charm.

Posted by fad at 7:56am

World's Shortest Libertarian Or Not Quiz

What comes to mind when you read the name "Hayek"?

A) Old Whig
B) Big Tits

If you answered A, then you're a libertarian....and need to get out more. If you answered B, then it is possible you have libertarian leanings, but can see life as more than just theory. Or just like the phrase "Big Tits".

Posted by fad at 7:19am

Things That Start The Day Off Badly

Turning on the TV in the morning to see Madelaine Albright's lizard-owl face peering out of the screen. That's a double scoop of heebie smothered in jeebies.

But don't worry, TV, as a person of low self-esteem, I'll always take you back no matter how much you mistreat me. I'll stay with you 'til you leave me.

Posted by fad at 6:15am

November 11th, 2004

Preguntas

My thanks to those of you who sent in questions. There aren't that many, so there's a good chance I'll have the answers posted Friday, though that depends on how the day goes. Otherwise, it'll be Monday.

Posted by fad at 8:22pm

'I Never Realized How Boring This Game Was'

"Baseball could be ready to follow NFL's lead, give instant replay a look"

Because, you know, the games were just too damn snappy as it was.

Posted by fad at 5:38pm

Like A Grape Punch In The Mouth

Chicago airports are fighting back against the bird threat.

Officials at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport are experimenting with a grape-scented repellant that they hope will deter pesky birds from endangering planes.
[...]
"Methyl anthranilate is actually a nontoxic food flavoring that is used in grape Kool-Aid and grape bubble gum, but birds find it very aggravating," said Richard Dolbeer, national coordinator of airport wildlife services at the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

It'd probably be easier to just put out open cans and bottles of Mt. Dew's horrendous Pitch Black flavor. Based on the taste, I'm guessing there has to be a surplus supply out there.

Posted by fad at 2:32pm

Sah-Woard

At first I thought this story was going to be more evidence that I need a specific sword attack category.

[A man ...] was home with his wife [...] and their children when someone knocked on the door about 2:45 a.m. Friday.

[She] answered the door and told her husband that she was going out with their oldest daughter. Instead, she drove with [another man] to a gas station.

Why ever would he be suspicious of that? He decided to follow them, and they all came back to the house.

Then [he] grabbed a sword and struck [the other man] in the head, police said. [The other man] fled and sought help from a passing motorist.

[The husband] took a meat cleaver from his kitchen and smeared blood from the sword on it, police said. They said he instructed his family to tell detectives that [the other man] had been an intruder.

Love. Our most noble emotion.

Posted by fad at 2:15pm

Pikatur

Kickass picture of Phobos.

Posted by fad at 1:45pm

Shit.

Posted by fad at 12:53pm

What?

Posted by fad at 12:53pm

Rollers.

Posted by fad at 12:52pm

No!

Posted by fad at 12:52pm

Yep.

Posted by fad at 12:52pm

Shit.

Posted by fad at 12:50pm

Oh God It's Raining

But I'm not complaining. Sorry, I have bits of Depeche Mode's "Black Celebration" laying siege to my brain for various reasons. And I think I hate that album. I haven't fully decided yet, and the next council meeting isn't for three more weeks. Lucky me. Blessed with multiple personalities, but the fuckers want to run things like the goddamn UN.

Finally a nice, drizzly fall day. I love days like this, and they are a bit too few around here. Though "too few" by the definition of a guy who gives "I liked the weather" as one of the reasons he misses living in western Washington. I think I may have to go for a walk.

Yeah, this post had no point (other than to be a damn fine Livejournal entry impression). Would you prefer I go back to Arafat death-watch silence?

Posted by fad at 10:59am

Another Movie Confession

I've never seen "Christmas Vacation".

Posted by fad at 10:33am

I Have No Idea Why I'm Typing This

What a nice day yesterday ended up being. Arafat finally officially tot, and then I found what I thought was a long lost .mp3 of a studio demo of "Ceremony" being done by Joy Division. It's one of only 2.5 versions of the song I've ever heard with Ian Curtis doing the vocals (and, honestly, I don't know if there are any more lying around).

Sometime in college, I somehow got a hold of this file. The sound is awful; sounds very much like it came from an ancient cassette tape with that weird "through water" sound I associate with tapes going bad. It's pitched too high from being played at the wrong speed, you can barely make out the vocals at all, but I still love this version. I guess it's the rawness of it. It's a glimpse into the earliness of one of my favorite songs. They had the music mostly down (largely, if my memory is correct, because they had plenty of time to work on the track while Curtis was in and out of hospitals), but the words are quite different in spots.

Anyway, finding it again, after years of thinking it was lost, double made my day.

Posted by fad at 10:17am

In Which I Start Too Many Sentences With 'My'

I didn't mention it on the actual day, but this past Tuesday was the 15th anniversary of the Berlin Wall coming down (well, the day the parties started and the hammers came out).

My main memory, besides watching the jubilant crowds, was my brother's reaction to the news. With the now threat of terrorism occupying our minds after the naive vacation of the 90s, it's hard sometimes to remember what an impossibility that seemed even at the time. My school was off that day, so I was lounging at home when the news broke in to interrupt my dear TV watching. My brother was home as well between classes and work, so I went to tell him, "The Berlin Wall is coming down!" His response was the dismissive disbelief that only an older sibling can generate, "No way. Shut up." It was beyond considering. It happened.

Posted by fad at 9:47am

Something To Watch Whilst Driving

Back when that show 24 first hit, Late Night With Conan O'Brien did their own version called 60. Each episode was one second long. Well, looks like Fox has found a happy compromise.

The makers of hit show 24 are creating a spin-off series of one-minute dramas designed to be viewed on mobile phones.

Every new phone feature I see (or, more often hear) makes me want to go back to tin cans and string more and more.

Posted by fad at 9:30am

Hork

"Minnelli faces sex claim in court"

Yeah, I didn't need to eat for a while anyway.

Posted by fad at 9:24am

Provo Chosen At Random

Finally. A reason for me to have a little civic pride.

St. Louis has one of the best flags in the nation, according to a recent ranking of 150 city flags by a North American group devoted to flags.

In fact, in the North American Vexillological Association's recent poll - the first of its kind in nearly a century - the rather simple St. Louis flag came in fifth.

Suck on that, Provo!

Posted by fad at 6:54am

Evil Font

Here is a battle I most wholeheartedly support.

Posted by fad at 6:42am

Veteran's Day

It seems a strange formulation, "Happy" Veteran's Day, as if this were Christmas or New Year's. However, and not to sound glib or cheezy, without our veterans and their sacrifices, there would be no pursuit of happiness. Thank you all, from the older who have the eternally boyish faces of their compatriots burned into their minds, to the newest veteran home from our current battles. Thank you.

Posted by fad at 6:37am

November 10th, 2004

Another Big Mistake

Ok, so far only 3 people have submitted any questions for my stupid "one year interview" idea. Yeah, it's looking like a bust. I am hoping to get at least 5 people, though, so if you have any questions, stupid or otherwise, just email 'em over by early Friday. If not? Well, oh well. At least I tried.

Posted by fad at 11:02pm

Now I Have No Excuse To Avoid Regular Posting

Hot fucking damn, Arafat is dead. Not as a martyr, but as a weak, unfortunately old, man.

This cigar may be dried out as hell, but fine just the same.

Posted by fad at 10:18pm

Random Quotation Whilst Waiting For Arafat To Be Declared D-E-D

"I'm cool when I wear my pants."*

*As uttered by the unfortunate fellow in the 7-11 who appeared to have Tourette's (or similar condition).

Posted by fad at 4:10pm

An Oldie

Since I have nothing else, and Arafat simply won't be dead, I might as well repeat myself with one of my "classic" stories.

Back in college, I helped a friend of a friend by working two days at the pretzel shop in the mall. On the second day, they told me that the district manager had come in and demanded that someone stand out in front of the store with samples at all times. Being the newbie, that someone was me. So I'm standing there in my pretzel store pants, pretzel store hat, pretzel store shirt with a tray containing a couple cut up pretzels and a plastic cup with a cheese sauce. After I'd been doing this an hour or more, a lady walked up and in an all excited voice said, "Ooooooo, what do we have here??".

I replied in my most chipper voice, "It's a pretzel! [half beat pause] With cheese!"

She paused, looked at me and said, "Well no shit"

Ever since then whenever I see something that gives a "Well no shit" feel, I automatically hear "With Cheese!".

Posted by fad at 2:42pm

Paid In Full

As of about 5 minutes ago, I deprocrastinated long enough to finally really renew this domain. So that means at least one more year of....of....well, not getting one of those domain parker screens at least. Hopefully not another year of Arafat not being declared dead yet.

Posted by fad at 12:26pm

Nearing My Rightful Place

Cool! I'm #7 for "fucking idiot" searches on Google.

Posted by fad at 10:04am

The Arafat, The

Crimeny....how many fingers am I going to have to cut off before they finally admit he's dead? Thank God I only type with my index fingers.

UPDATE: You know, I bet Arafat is the one who took stole him. That has to be what he's been hiding on his head all this time. Bastard.

Posted by fad at 6:25am

November 9th, 2004

Never Mind

There was a post here, but I decided that crap needs to die, so I'm not going to help string it along.

Arafat dead yet?

Posted by fad at 3:50pm

November 8th, 2004

For The Good Of The World

I think this site should go silent, in protest, until Arafat is finally officially dead (but not buried, because that could be a while).

Posted by fad at 6:35pm

Process Of A Mind

It's a bit unexpected to get a song stuck in your head, then, because it bugs you that you can't remember the words quite right, do a lazy search on a snippet for the lyrics only to discover that the opening lines are lifted directly from some poem. Of course, being a poem -- and me being a fucking idiot-- I have no idea what the fuck any of it is supposed to mean.

Posted by fad at 6:31pm

Away

Yeah, that lame post below proves it. I can't seem to give fuckall this morning (with the exception of Fallujah. If it is to be done, please let it be done as cleanly as possible), so don't expect much.

But to provide some sort of something, here are a couple things. First, next week marks one year of this site. I decided to celebrate it with an interview. However, since no one is foolish enough to waste time interviewing me, the solution is to let you submit questions. So, over the next few days, if you think of anything, email any questions to me. Nothing in the comments will be answered. They must be in email. Next week, or the end of this, I'll take the questions I wish to answer and put them up here. If this turns out to be a bust, we'll pretend it never happened (but anyone who sends in a question will still get it answered, within limits and varying levels of truth).

The other is this Bravenet Map. I did this once before, and it was kind of fun. If you filled it out last time, don't feel any need to do so again, but go ahead if you'd like.

Posted by fad at 6:10am

Words I Hate But Realize It's My Problem And I Just Have To Cope

Hottie
Hella
Hoody
Overage
Blog

Posted by fad at 5:57am