October 16th, 2004

Usually Stick To 58 - 62 Now

I'm an idiot. Have I ever mentioned that here? Well, in case I haven't brought it up, here's a brief story demonstrating one manifestation of my idiocy.

Years ago, I moved into my first apartment at the beginning of November. All my life I had heard how horrible the heating costs were in winter, both from my parents and the media. Since I had moved out with almost nothing, and had taken advances on my first couple paychecks just to get the damn place, I was terrified of those first few bills. Because of this I refused to use the heat (which were just really shitty radiating space heater like thingies) at all.

For the most part, it was survivable. Redmond, Washington doesn't get anywhere near as cold as Wisconsin or Minnesota, but it does get chilly enough. Top with the fact that the apartment was insulated with used tissue paper from wedding announcements (or something), it could get a little nippy. I handled it by wearing sweatshirts and this blanket that had snaps so that it could become like a robe (unfortunately these days it is now nailed up over my bedroom window so that at least some light is blocked from getting in).

One evening, bundled up, but thinking things were ok, I was working at my computer when I exhaled a sigh and noticed something. I could see my breath in my apartment. Checking the thermostat -- inaccurate though it was, it would be close enough -- it read 48 degrees. Yup, I had let it get that cold in my apartment and yet fear still wouldn't let me turn the heat on.

Finally, a few days later, the first electric bill arrived. What fearsome amount did I owe? $13. I decided I could start using the heat after that.

However, that is not the end of my idiocy. Ever since then, for reasons that must only entertain me, I like to see how far I can go into the colder months before finally cracking and turning on the heat. Told you I'm an idiot.

Posted by fad at 12:47pm

October 15th, 2004

Floaty Eye Thingy

Ok, time to call it quits for the week before I get even crappier. One last thing. If you haven't yet, be sure to watch the Fellowship 9/11 mini-movie that's being linked and emailed (at least twice so far today for me) everywhere. The Wormtongue stuff in particular is brilliant.

Have a good weekend.

Posted by fad at 5:26pm

Oops

Well, none of us is perfect.

The NASA spacecraft that smashed into the Utah desert last month while bringing home fragile samples of the sun may have been doomed by engineering drawings that had been done backwards, an investigating board said Friday.

Because of the backward drawings, the switches that were supposed to detect Genesis' re-entry into Earth's atmosphere and trigger its parachutes were placed incorrectly

Heck, I sometimes put my pants on backwards and wander the streets screaming about Jesus. It happens to the best of us.

Posted by fad at 5:08pm

Duh

"Experts: Boot camps don't stop violence"

Of course they don't! Boot camps exist solely to turn out more mindless killbots to seize ever more markets to support the imperialistic OIIIIILLLL and capitalism machine. How could they reduce violence? Such a disgusting idea, I don't need to read beyond the headline as I already know everything in the story.

Posted by fad at 3:45pm

Note To Self

Yeah, don't think I'll be moving all my merchandise this way.

The deals were better and the merchandise better than at the typical garage sale — a nearly new laptop computer for $300 (US$240) and 20 VCRs and DVD players.

Then there were the neighborhood signs saying the sale would be going on "all week" and a notice inside the house advising potential customers, "If an item cannot be found, it will be arriving soon."

Subtle.

She said police were alerted Saturday by a suspicious neighbor and decided on the raid after investigating for a few days.

Goddamn pigs. Tell Mrs. Kravitz to keep to her own damn business!

(In checking IMDB for the right spelling on "Kravitz", I suddenly feared (because of the below story) they were making a new version of "Bewitched" too. I was right.)

Posted by fad at 2:47pm

Not The Same Without Waylan

Go go Dukes of Hazzard movie!

Burt Reynolds and Willie Nelson are to join the cast of a film remake of 1980s TV hit The Dukes of Hazzard, Hollywood trade paper Variety has reported.

Veteran star Reynolds has been lined up to play the corrupt villain, Hazzard County Commissioner Boss Hogg.

Musician-turned actor Nelson is set for the role of the Duke family patriarch, Uncle Jesse, Variety said.

So, will Uncle Jesse be adding some...agriculture...to the area around his still, then?

Posted by fad at 2:21pm

Wheeeeee

Nothing tops off a long, long lunch like some dizzy spells.

Posted by fad at 2:05pm

The Torpor Department

Whoops. Looks like I have to stop referring to al-Zarqawi's group as a federation for puppies, smiling babies and daisies.

The group headed by Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, which claimed responsibility for dozens of deadly attacks in Iraq, was designated by the U.S. government Friday as a terrorist organization.

What a surprising move.

The listing imposes several restrictions on Zarqawi's group, known as Tawhid and Jihad, including a ban on travel to the United States and a freeze on any assets it may have in U.S. banks

Dammit. I guess next week's party is off.

While not a member of al-Qaida, al-Zarqawi is considered an ally of bin Laden.

I'm sorry, but if he's not al-Qaida, then we should leave him alone. Anything that's not specifically al-Qaida is a distraction.

Posted by fad at 11:54am

Tell Us The Way

I have to admit, there have been some moments of late where I was considering not voting, but now that celebrities are going to tell me to, my mind is changing back once again. I do so love celebrities.

Hollywood actor Leonardo DiCaprio is encouraging young people to vote in the upcoming US elections by starring in an ad campaign on the internet.

Heck, the only thing I love more than celebrities is the internet. So many naked ladies....

The Titanic star has also rafted in celebrities including Justin Timberlake and Samuel L Jackson

"I SAID VOTE!, MOTHERFUCKER!"

Benicio del Toro will be seen asking women to vote

Because you broads will only listen to an actor, you know.

Jackson talks about a possible renewed military draft

Wonder if he'll also talk about just-as-unpossible possibility of a renewing land requirements for voting?

Posted by fad at 11:06am

I Still Look Away

And now, an illustrated guide to one of the most important cases of our day.

Posted by fad at 10:33am

Lazy Posting

With no thoughts in his head, once again our hero dips into the desperation bag and pulls out some wacky search hits to wield against our twin enemies, Boredom and..um..More Boredom.

tale of two cities hate dickens: Yes, "A Tale of Two Cities" is a good reason to hate Dickens. Not as good as "Hard Times" and that whiny little Sissy Jupe, but good enough.; There is no open container law for passengers in cars (but the driver better damn sure be clean).; Arggghhh, thar be pirates attemptin' to educate theirselves, matey.; Find it wherever you can, buddy. I won't judge.; That's the nice version of what I mutter whenever forced to a family friendly store.; I always sort of like these longer, near full sentence searches. They almost feel like odd diary entries. But in this case, I'll break it gently to whomever was searching: Because you're a freak and no one likes you.; Uh, should I report that to the FBI or Homeland Security? Oh, wait, never mind. They already track everything here through that chip in my eyes.

Once again having provided content for his vast army of readers, our hero rests content with a job, not well done, but done and done lazily.

Posted by fad at 9:41am

You're My Boy, Blue

It's about time elections became more like MVP or Mediocre White Quarterback From A Major College Program* awards.

In a change that could give new meaning to direct democracy, San Franciscans will soon cast ballots listing their first, second and third-place choices for municipal offices under a new "ranked-choice voting" system that would eliminate separate run-off elections.

If no candidate secures a majority of first-place votes outright, the results will be retabulated to include the second and third picks until a winner can be declared - a process that could take weeks.

Or, I guess, it's more like the weighted weekly football picks, in a way.

The process continues until one candidate has a majority, but that, too, may take some doing. San Francisco elections typically draw crowded fields, a trend the introduction of ranked-choice voting has exacerbated. In one district, there are 22 contenders vying for the open seat.

Crimeny. Ranking all those people from the Democrats to the Budgie Fucking And Progressive Leninists Union For Free Love And Fair Wages Co-Op Party would be a pain.

"We are all pioneers in this petri dish of electoral reform," said Ross Mirkarimi, a veteran campaign manager running for a board seat.

And all this time I thought we were all dust in the wind.

*Formerly known as the "Heisman".

Posted by fad at 6:07am

October 14th, 2004

Definitive

And now to settle today's question. The answer is "supper". Donnah had the definition exactly right (which should not surprise anyone since the whole reason for the post is because I latched on to the least significant part of her post). This is the way it is. I am right; you, if you disagree, are wrong, no matter any cultural hoo-dahs that you may try to claim.

Posted by fad at 7:14pm

Hate And Anger

I never gave a damn about Led Zeppelin one way or another. Never heard a whole album, never wanted to, but was never offended when a song came on. Thanks to Cadillac, this has all changed. I fucking hate Led Zeppelin now.

Posted by fad at 6:11pm

Just Found It Interesting

The Pepsi challenge, this time with science.

When the volunteers were unaware which beverage they were drinking, they expressed no preference for one over the other.

However, when they were given visual clues to the brand they were drinking, the volunteers expressed a definite preference.

What kicked in?

Brain scans showed when the volunteers knew which brand they were tasting, the parts of the brain involved with recalling memories were activated.

So is it that knowing the brand helps the person differentiate the subtle differences better, or is it more that the preferences for the brand -- and perhaps affiliated circumstances -- create the real preference? The article doesn't full say (Hey, it's a study. They want more money, not final answers.)

"Advertisers have long known that you can influence people's decisions or preferences by providing different contextual information.

"One of the ways is by associating a brand with other pleasant, rewarding things.

You mean like this?*

*Warning: Has sound. They show it on TV all the time around here, but be careful if your office is especially prudish.

Posted by fad at 3:42pm

Hobbies

You mean this isn't how you teach physics?

[P]rofessor Louis Houston lost control right after class began Wednesday morning and was yelling obscenities.

"Then he told us if we got out of our seats he's gonna kill us. He went on the black board and wrote "911 now", so we were really in fear for our lives," Spears told KATC-TV.

Spears said Houston slapped a student and then told his class he was God.

Hell, I go around doing that all the time. It's a great way to pass a weekend. Chicks dig it.

Posted by fad at 2:58pm

Uma Oprah

The Academy Awards heps up a bit.

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences on Thursday announced Chris Rock will host the next Academy Awards telecast.

I wonder how long the delay will be.

Posted by fad at 2:51pm

Garnish

In times of crisis, it's always good to have friends.

A University of Iowa student who police say took a paternity test for a friend has been arrested.

Now just imagine the shitstorm if it had still come back positive.

Posted by fad at 2:40pm

Help Them Understand

Operation Guardian is off and running. Pick you columnist, be polite, and send your message. You can make a difference!

Here is mine:

Dear Ms. Toynbee,

I am writing in appreciation to encourage you to keep up your fantastic work. Your parodies of leftist stupidity are spot-on and always bring great laughs to my day. In particular, that most brilliant moment of satire when you wrote a whole column around the idea that only the government can buy people those things which truly make them happy. How you can hold whole columns like that together without an overt wink or a break in tone is stunning and a true sign of your amazing hold of the form.

Please continue to bring the laughs with your biting satire.

Sincerely,
FAD

I think she'll appreciate it.

Posted by fad at 12:40pm

That They're Out To Get Me

Face your fears! Well, at least those listed by a British survey.

Spiders are more scary than terrorists -- at least according to a survey of a thousand Britons.

Terrorism only came second on the list of respondents' top 10 fears

Actually, I have to admit I'm surprised terrorism ranked that high.

Posted by fad at 11:44am

Template Talkers

The only talk radio show I can really stand to listen to is what is now known as the Roe Conn show out of Chicago, mostly because I think it's a bit like this site: topical humor, silly stories with the occasional serious bit.

Anyway, I'm curious if today's show will have a segment like after the first debate (since the second was on a Friday, it lost its zing by Monday). When they discussed that, suddenly these people started calling in saying, "I'm one of those people who is totally on the fence, who hasn't been able to make up my mind at all. I keep thinking maybe Bush, maybe Kerry, but I've been unsettled. And security is my major issue [one even called herself a "security mom"]! But after last night I'm voting for John Kerry for sure and for most definitest!"

When asked why, they all responded about the same, "Because Bush is a liar! It's all about OIIIILLLLL-n-Halliburton! And the Saudis! And...let me check my sheet oh! and his creepy belief in God!"

Ok, so there was no real evidence they were checking a sheet, but you get the point. There were at least 3 callers during that topic who did something similar. I'm centrist and undecided. I'm now decided because of all these reasons that are amazingly the same as Terry Mcauliffe and Michael Moore's. Of course they were countered with some of the "if you don't like it, leave!" people, but those are just stupid people, not people trying to exploit my stupidity with a cheat sheet.

I hate it when people, while maybe expressing their own beliefs, can't communicate them without using someone else's talking points.

Posted by fad at 11:34am

Less Respect For Property

The new neighborhood watch.

[Two] men had bought 60 signs for $350 through the Bush campaign Web site and put them up last week. A day later the signs were gone, and a handful of other signs put up over the next several days also disappeared, the men said.

So the men and another friend headed into the woods, about 25 yards away from several new signs. The friend soon bailed out, but the other two men stayed behind and expected to wait most of the night.

Luckily, they barely had to wait.

It only took three hours. At about 10 p.m. Tuesday, a 25-year-old Mercer Island man walked to a grassy area along the 6700 block of Island Crest Way and began to pull up Bush signs installed by the two men, police said.

The amateur detectives burst out of the woods and confronted the man, who was apologetic. The men detained him until police arrived.

Hey! He was apologetic! Shame on them for detaining him. That's supposed to be met with an immediate, "Well, ok then. Have a nice night and good luck in all you do. It's really our fault for having tempted you so with our signs."

Though, something must be said for the being able to live in a neighborhood where this is the major concern and where it's safe and easy to sit out in little stakeouts.

Posted by fad at 9:20am

Back To The Pile

Damn immigants taking all our good American super hammy overacting jobs!

Canadian-born comic actor Jim Carrey has become a U.S. citizen and said his decision to pursue dual citizenship was based on his love for the country that helped him attain his dream.
[...]
Carrey [...] became an official U.S. citizen on October 7.

When will it ever end?

Posted by fad at 7:06am

Pizza Hoarding Is The Real Theft

Speaking of meals, two things that should never be done on an empty stomach are food shopping and burglary.

[A man] told police he’d know his frozen pizzas anywhere.

One was a Jack’s Mexican Style, the other a generic from a fund-raiser. Both were squishy when a burglar shoved them under his hooded sweat shirt Wednesday and ran from [his] house in Pasadena Hills.

The suspect had a ready alibi.

The suspect first claimed he got the pizzas from a cousin’s home, police said, but he was unable to tell them where that was.

I said it was ready, not good. But he finally fessed up.

Police said he later admitted he took them because he was hungry.

Hey, each by their ability to each by their need.

[The robbed man] identified the suspect as well as the food, according to police, although, the man in custody complained to an officer: “He couldn’t have seen me. I had my hood on the whole time.”

That sounds a bit apocryphal, but then again, he may not have been in his smartest frame of mind.

Posted by fad at 6:58am

Some Of You Will Be Wrong

Ok, time to settle this once and for all time. Last meal of the day: Supper or Dinner?

Posted by fad at 6:46am

October 13th, 2004

Simple Man; Simple Joys

Yay! New shoelaces!

Posted by fad at 5:55pm

Stick To Mysterious Debate Bulges

Nice try, Karl Rove, but Nader is off the PA ballot.

Describing the petitions as "rife with forgeries," Commonwealth Court President Judge James Gardner Colins said that fewer than 19,000 of the more than 51,000 signatures that Nader's supporters submitted were valid. Nader needed at least 25,697 to be listed on the ballot as an independent candidate.

"I am compelled to emphasize that this signature-gathering process was the most deceitful and fraudulent exercise ever perpetrated upon this court," Colins said in a 15-page ruling that followed a two-week review in multiple courtrooms across the state.

"The conduct of the candidates, through their representatives (not their attorneys), shocks the conscience of the court," he said. "In reviewing signatures, it became apparent that, in addition to signing names such as 'Mickey Mouse,' 'Fred Flintstone,' 'John Kerry,' and the ubiquitous 'Ralph Nader,' there were thousands of names that were created at random and then randomly assigned either existent or nonexistent addresses by the circulators."

They all should have just signed with an "X" and claimed they were all illiterates who need Nader's policies to save them from a cruel, reading-infested society.

Posted by fad at 3:54pm

Been At This Too Long, But Not That Long

This is sad. It's getting to the point that I think I posted about every quirky story that tickles my memory. I was reading this

Taking "targeted advertising" to a new extreme, Country Music Television is using a talking urinal drain cover to advertise its Oct. 29 special, "CMT Greatest Outlaws: The Dirty Dozen."

When a guy steps up to the urinal, he'll hear a sexy woman's voice cooing, "Don't miss 'Outlaws' on CMT. You seem to miss everything else!"

Just what the men's room need. Startled pissers. Anyway, I read that and remembered that ABC tried something similar a while back.

ABC announced last month that the beleaguered sitcom Norm would be hyped through nontraditional spots in the one place where, until now, it has been largely possible to escape from adland's mangy paw -- public restrooms.

Apparently, thanks to speakers hidden in several hundred high-tech urinal billboards, toilet-users can now expect their relief to be interrupted by the sound of the show's laconic star, Norm Macdonald, announcing: "Hey, watch your shoes!"

Took a search through the archives first, found nothing, and went to the web where that story was found. It's from August, 2000. A full year and a half before I started any blog. Hell, I still lived in Washington.

Posted by fad at 3:02pm

Still Bitter

Kerry responds to John Le Carré. To which, admittedly, I link partly because gives me yet another opportunity to say that I tried to read one of the man's novels, and it was easily the most boring thing I ever read that wasn't written by me. Seriously. A choice between one more page read or shoot up with water from the Chicago river after a good rainfall?* I'd be tapping that vein and have the band from my underwear tied around my arm in a beat.

UPDATE: Oh yeah, and she's one of those lucky Clark County voters the Guardian hopes to influence.

*Hey. It could happen. You never know what "they" are capable of.

Posted by fad at 2:00pm

Nothing's Perfect

Well, I guess you have to take bad with the good.

Danish researchers found that moderate to heavy male drinkers had between a 25 percent to a 46 percent increase in risk for atrial fibrillation.

There was no similar increase in risk for female drinkers, the researchers said.

If the ERA had passed, we wouldn't see shit like this.

Posted by fad at 1:50pm

Out Of Context

Maybe it's just my paranoid, individualistic tendencies, but sentences like this bother me.

"We have to make it easy for people to make the right choices."

I'm starting to think there may come a day where I won't be allowed to drink myself to death someday in that cabin in Montana.

Posted by fad at 1:24pm

Good Ideas Everywhere

The Guardian is going to hand out email and/or home addresses of registered voters of an Ohio county to readers so that they can write these people to tell them how they should vote. You know, from the enlightened, international perspective of your average genius Guardian reader (It also explains how to get passed campaign finance laws). In the comments at Tim Blair's site comes this idea from a Giles.

Give us the names of people who write for the Guardian and we'll write them letters telling them what to write

That is a brilliant idea, and I can dance to it. I'll just tell that brilliant Polly Toynbee to keep up her savage parodies of a leftist idiot. I get such a chuckle out of them.

UPDATE: Using 3 of my (far too many, but less than before) email addresses, I have three names. Now to see if they hold true that each name is only used once. I wonder if you have to actually submit your letter to them before they take a name out of rotation, or if it's gone upon being sent to me. I hope the latter. They don't appear to be bothered by multiple requests within seconds of each other from the same IP.

Posted by fad at 12:00pm

Yeah, This Is A Wasted Post

This is just a boring ALG story except for one twist.

Marsden was charged with harassment after she persisted in telephoning and sending e-mails to Morgan, now 54, for almost a month after he ended their relationship.

Nothing too unusual there. Just one party going psycho after a breakup. Pretty standard stuff. But the twist comes in the sentence after her plea of guilty to harrassment.

She cannot write about Morgan or his family on the Internet, a condition imposed because she has her own Web site.

Which makes me suspect she has a blog. And now she's not allowed to bitch about her ex on her site. I just found it interesting that the courts now are taking such things into consideration.

Posted by fad at 11:50am

OIL!

They will stop at nothing to get their evil profits.

Little was arrested on Highway 40 in Ladue about 4 a.m. April 24, accused of driving 78 mpg in a 55 zone and drunken driving.

Bold tags added by me so that the letters would look even more like the blackness of oil. Just more proof of the Bush/Cheney junta fighting back fuel efficient cars so that their buddies in the oil industry can get rich.

Posted by fad at 10:40am

Sorry For The Length

Oh no! The playwrights have wrought!

It may be a bit early to a make a final reckoning of the Bush administration's historic legacy. But one thing is already certain: No American regime has inspired so many plays.

Of course most appear to be shit, but arts today seems to be ideological quantity over any sort of quality. Let's take a deeper look at these plays.

"Laura's Bush" takes on serious social issues all right -- but in the style of a lewd cartoon. It seems that the first lady is the prisoner of neo-conservatives. Dody, a small town librarian, notes that Laura blinks "help" in Morse code during her TV appearances. When Laura visits Dody's library, Dody and a prostitute spirit her away to an underground hideout. Together, Laura and Dody explore the "216 positions for lesbian sex."

A commando raid ends erotic ecstasy and provides a setup for a White House coup.

I swear. It's not even worth parodying these things anymore. It's a dastardly plot to take the ridiculous things people like me joke they would write about and then absorbing them. But, there are more.

In "Grand Dames," two Republican ladies ([two men] in drag) sip petroleum from teacups. For entertainment, they poison a representative of an endangered species (a Democrat). A seemingly quiescent Saudi prince who serves as a butler finds his own means of homicidal entertainment.

What? No baby eating? They are way behind the parody times. Another one.

Story 1 concerns Susan Smith, the South Carolina mother of two small boys who, in 1994, figured that a man who had dumped her would come back to her if only she could get rid of her sons. So she drowned them. Story 2 is about the Bush family. Los Angeles playwright Rik Keller posits that the Bushes and their intimate associates are minions of Satan, in cahoots with the very same devil's lieutenant who corrupted Smith.

So we can be horrified about the murder of her children as long as we can also blame Bush somehow. Nicely done.

An odd irony is imbedded in "Dubya." What is referred to as the "Republican base," that 20 percent of the electorate made up of fundamentalist Christians, does indeed accept Satan as a real factor in human affairs. But, unlike their Puritan forebears of the 17th century, contemporary fundamentalists don't make a big thing of declaring that this, that or the other is a tool of the devil. They might, however, say "Dubya" playwright Keller is such a tool. And he is saying, in a satirical mocking way, that it is they who are in Satan's sway.

Those dumbass Christians. Can't even tell when some hack is being obvious and mocking them. But he still bravely goes on anyway. Thank God for the arts!

Posted by fad at 8:56am

Bad Jokes? Must Mean His Mood Improved

Since we humans have fooled ourselves into existing inside "civilization", we are alienated from the gentle messages from Gaia. But not our animal betters.

An hour before the snoozing mountain shook itself awake, Rita Tarrant's ears perked.

The sounds she heard that September morning were deer and elk crashing through the brush on her property. "They were heading in the opposite direction of the mountain," she said.

Then her animals -- two cats and a dog -- began a massive bunny chow-down. "Within a minute of each other, they all got baby rabbits." The rabbits, like the deer and elk, were on the run. "I kept thinking 'These animals know something.'"

I have to admit, I remember being a bit more gassy than normal myself that day. And this would explain the bunny carcasses I found in my bed when it wasn't even a Tuesday. Had I not been so involved in watching TV or worrying about the artificial deadlines of society, I would have known what it meant.

Ok, now, I had started this post and was going to reject it as too lame, but them I read on in the article a bit and had to quote this.

But even the most stoic two-legged residents ringing the mountain are happy to talk about hyper-sensitive four-legged mammals picking up telltale signals from the mountain, like walking Ouija boards of natural disasters.

Emphasized by me like a Tarot pack of emphasization. I hope that line was tossed in out of boredom and not with pride.

Posted by fad at 8:41am

Someone Will Miss The Point And Call ACLU

I wonder how long before someone tries to stop this as an unconstitutional blending of church and state.

The U.S. government and a Christian group on Tuesday announced an advertising campaign aimed at deterring American tourists from sexually exploiting children overseas.
[...]
Similar messages are being broadcast in airports and in-flight videos to let sex tourists know they are being closely watched.

And providing a healthy creep out factor for the rest of the people onboard as they add "find the molestor" to the "find the terrorist" game during the flight.

Posted by fad at 8:29am

Some Observations Of DFW Airport

I had no idea the runways for the Dallas/Fort Worth airport were actually in Mexico, and we'd have to drive the plane for a few hours up to Dallas from there to the actual airport. The good news about DFW, at least based on two observing periods over 4 days, is that should a sudden flood had hit, we could have floated the place with all the fake tits, made sails from the Cowboys jerseys (and I thought they wore jerseys a lot in Wisconsin) and had plenty of toweling from all the Juicy and various knock-off sweatsuits.

Posted by fad at 8:15am

I'm Popular

They called back! Yes, I got another 30 second constituent survey call from my state senator, Jack Loudon. All the way from Arlington, Virginia, too, based off the area code on the caller ID, where I assume he must be on vacation since he is, after all, a Missouri state senator. It's touching to be so loved by my leaders that they would take the time out to call me themselves.

Posted by fad at 8:11am

October 12th, 2004

Stupid Book

Anyone have a French-English dictionary they don't need?

Posted by fad at 8:06pm

Random Fact That Just Struck Me

Huh. This will be the fourth presidential election I have been able to vote in, and the fourth state in which I will have cast that vote. This will be the first time I've lived in what was even barely considered a battleground state.

Posted by fad at 3:20pm

If Only

Were Edwards to give this speech, my indecision in the upcoming election would be over.

Let's work together to pave the way for a big, bright, beautiful fucking future for America, all right? So all the world can once again say, "Hey, where's that warm, golden glow coming from? Why, it's coming from the U.S. of A., where cocks are thick, tits are perky, and sunbeams shine out of everyone's asses!"

America, Fuck yeah!

Posted by fad at 3:06pm

I Want Some Trash Bags

It was inevitable -- and, actually, I thought it was already well in the works -- but here comes Hollywood to piss on perfection once more.

Hit 1980s TV action series The A-Team is to be remade as a movie, according to Hollywood trade paper Variety.

It said James Bond screenwriter Bruce Feirstein was writing a more serious movie version of the popular US series for the Fox studio.

How can you get more serious than a band of good-hearted freedom fighters -- if you could find them -- saving farms and allowing the locals to unionize? I call horseshit.

Cannell added that the remake would be "less cartoony" than the original.
[...]
"In this the tone is more dangerous - you can really die. It's very tense and exciting."

I'm sorry, but someone in anything called The A-Team actually hitting the people following along behind in a jeep with spray from a van mounted machine gun is just Greedo shooting first to me. At least they aren't planning a CG Hannibal.

Posted by fad at 12:37pm

Our Shared War, Our Shared Grief

Today is the two year anniversery of the Bali bombing. The link goes to a short post at Tim Blair's, but he has more links in others.

Posted by fad at 11:14am

October 11th, 2004

A Stupid Request

I spent some time looking for this today, but, like in all things, failed. I remember reading some short story in school about a man being hung (I think from a bridge), but the rope snapped. He escaped and ran. Ran as hard as he could towards his home and his wife. Finally reaching home, just about to embrace his wife, the dream ended. The rope had not snapped. He had not escaped. He had been hung and was now dead.

Now, does anyone else know this story? I can't remember the name or who wrote it. I'd appreciate knowing either if any of you do.

Posted by fad at 11:34pm

At Least It Amused Me

Something Awful presents: How To Be A Music Snob Through Fakery.

Posted by fad at 4:46pm

Thank You, Internet

Dude...

Posted by fad at 3:23pm

Daisy Daisy

God willing we get a Pauly Shore movie out of this.

The 500 Days experiment, under development by the Russian Institute of Medical and Biological Problems, will isolate human volunteers in a mock space station module for -- as its namesake suggests -- a complete 500 days to study how a long mission to Mars might affect its human crew.

Gee, where do you sign up? Sounds like a heck of a great party.

Posted by fad at 2:56pm

Senators Prove Voting Not Important

Lookee. A Senate vote.

Democrats Not Voting

Dorgan, N.D.; Edwards, N.C.; Graham, Fla.; Hollings, S.C.; Kerry, Mass.; Lautenberg, N.J.; Leahy, Vt.; Miller, Ga.

Emphasis added by me because that's how America gets to be America again. I guess it shouldn't bother anyone that Kerry doesn't bother to vote anymore. It's not like he thinks his record is worth talking about in the first place, so why bother adding to it? Just wish he wasn't cashing the paychecks.

Posted by fad at 1:27pm

Excitement Upon Returning Home Last Evening

Ooooo! I have a phone message! I'd best play it!

"This is your Senator John Loudon with a 30 second constituent survey. Are you registered to vote in Missouri?

[pause]
[pause]

This was a political survey call. We may call back later."

But they never did. They never do.

Posted by fad at 12:58pm

Titles Suck

Allow me to translate the beginning of this bit in the BBC.

"Dear BBC type people,

As an American, I feel the need to let you know that most of the people here are ignorant, greedy fucks who would step over their own mothers if it meant making a buck. Hence they are a cultureless, empty society."

The guy is actually trying to make an evenhanded point, but can't help the slams. My favorite is when he drops this sequence.

Now historical fact is just selected and snipped away and packaged into whatever form its manipulators want it to be - whether it is Oliver Stone's fanciful film about Richard Nixon,

Not bad. Though why he chose Nixon over JFK is curious. Then he goes here.

or the swift boat veterans' revisionism of John Kerry's service record,

So in a discussion about how Americans don't care about history or don't care to actually look into the facts of their presented history, he just up and declares all the swift boat guys' charges as revisionism. I love catching moments like this. Finally, he has to really remind us that we're all stupid.

or the plain truth that the world, unlike a John Wayne movie, does not always wear the black and white costumes of villain and hero.

Americans are simple minded! Worship at the church of nuance!

If you need one last sign that he has contempt for the sensibilities of the "plain folk", dig this quote.

Disney did get swatted down a few years back when it tried to open a Civil War entertainment theme park near a significant and very real Civil War battlefield.

Had the outcry by academics and a surprising number of plain folks not doomed the project, the theme park might have crafted a version of history tidied up and sanitised and repackaged as fun and thrills.

Emphasis added by me just in case you're one of them plain folks who might have missed that point amidst all them words there. Having been a plain folk most of my life, I was not at all surprised at the outcry. But, then, maybe I'm just too simple to understand the nuance of how ignorant we all are.

Posted by fad at 12:35pm

Just Rent A Beard

The Sauds are trying to slap up some democratic reforms. Well, at least as democratic as early 20th Century America as far as the voting. The whole "can't show your face, husband can beat you, women are chattle thing" isn't close to going away.

Saudi Arabia is unlikely to allow women a role in next year's landmark elections for municipal councils, Interior Minister Prince Nayef bin Abdul-Aziz said yesterday.

"I don't think it's likely that women will take part in the elections," Prince Nayef said after security talks in Kuwait with other Persian Gulf ministers.

These munincipal councils are a step towards....towards...well, we're just not sure.

Half the council members will be elected — the rest will be appointed — and it is unclear what powers the councils will hold.

I bet a blue ribbon panel would clear that up right quick.

Posted by fad at 12:07pm

Basquiat l'Enfente

Stories like this remind me why it isn't so bad to have a unique name.

Not too long ago, Scott Peterson placed a call to his credit-card company with a question regarding his account. A Chase employee promptly called him back.

"The guy said, 'We'd like to thank you for using your one phone call to call Chase,' " Peterson said.

For those who share their name with the nation's most famous fertilizer salesman — people whose only brush with the law might have involved illegal U-turns — life has been full of double takes from strangers and one-liners from bank tellers-turned-comedians.

By the way, the USA Network's movie about Peterson? Genius. Pure, white hot entertainment.

Posted by fad at 11:49am

BOOGER!

Study: Men more likely to make obvious jackasses of themselves when drunk than women.

Kentucky University researchers found men's loss of inhibition was three times greater than women's with the same blood alcohol levels.

Writing in the journal Addiction, they said the finding might explain why men are more likely to become aggressive.

Well, maybe it's more that men just enjoy breaking bottles over each others' heads. Don't be blaming the alcohol.

The researchers gave 12 men and 12 women, all classed as "social drinkers" a set amount of alcohol each.

They then tested their ability to hit a button at the right time when a symbol flashed up.

Dr. Johnny Fever would have kicked that test's ass.

Posted by fad at 10:22am

Chicks Dig Desperation

The power and beauty of love always inspires me.

An Oklahoma man desperate to save his marriage by appearing like a hero to his wife ended up in police custody on suspicion of staging a crime where he hired burglars and foiled their fake robbery attempt, police said on Friday.
[...]
According to police, Spencer, a high school teacher, paid two students $100 each to break into his house and try to make off with a stereo.

The masked students tied his wife with duct tape and her husband was in the house just in time to foil the supposed crime, police said.

Police said Spencer attacked the two in a choreographed fight, even hitting one with a board that he had cut to break in half. The plan was going well until his wife freed herself and called police, something Spencer did not anticipate, police said.

Well, there's no way she can leave him now after such a show of dedication.

Posted by fad at 10:13am