July 23rd, 2004
The Unnecessary Weekend Post
Ok, that's it, folks. The weather finally broke here, so the weekend looks good. Enjoy yours, if you like.
Posted by fad at 5:28pm
Lists
Since it's Friday, inspired by my Listress -- and because I can't think of anything else -- here are my 5 favorite single malt scotches in order of price to enjoyment (in other words, something I used to be able to afford semi-regular gets a higher ranking than the blow-out stuff).- Bowmore 17 year. This is (well, was) my standard favorite.
- Lagavulin 16 year. Though this has exploded in price lately (nearly double).
- Laphroaig 15 year. Fine scotch, but nothing special about it.
- Bowmore 21 year. This is the blowout. I only bought this once, but it was fantastic.
- Whatever is free.
Posted by fad at 4:21pm
Death To Sneakerware
Here's one way the Energy Department is reacting to the missing data devices.Under his order, each Energy Department installation will suspend operations Monday involving removable data-storage devices such as computer disks. Each site will conduct an inventory of such items and perform weekly inventories after that.Can't steal 'em if you don't use 'em.
Posted by fad at 3:53pm
Health Porn
So there really is a case of the Mondays.Strokes are most common on Mondays, although the brain attacks are least likely to strike the day before, says a a Finnish study in the July 22 online issue of Stroke.I really would have thought a magazine named Stroke would have entirely different content.
Posted by fad at 2:27pm
Fun With Spin
Inspired by the way the New York Times is reporting the Berger case, or Reuters the release of the September 11th commission report, here's how I would headline this story."Study Shows People Don't Care About The Rainforests"
Posted by fad at 2:25pm
Beware The Tranquil Pool
Not even death can stop Diana from continuing her bloody rampage.Officials switched off the memorial fountain honoring Princess Diana on Thursday because three people were injured when they slipped and fell in it.'Ware ye all who approach her wrath.
Posted by fad at 1:55pm
Chicago Fire
I thought Fisk University was Tim Blair's site.Fisk University's new president, Clinton administration Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary, was escorted off a flight and questioned by the FBI after she became abusive and tried to get into the cockpit while the plane was delayed on the tarmac, authorities said.Sounds like Ms. O'Leary had a cow. Good God.....I think I'm going to shoot myself. I'm so sorry.
A flight attendant restrained O'Leary when she tried to get into the cockpit, Donkle said, and she was escorted off the Nashville-to-Washington flight and questioned by the FBI.Charging the cockpit. Another really great idea these days.
Posted by fad at 1:39pm
Nasty Thiefs
Gosh I love politics*.State Rep. Phyllis Kahn, a 32-year veteran from Minneapolis and a key figure in the DFL House caucus, was stopped by New Hope police earlier this week after a citizen complained that she was removing a Republican House member's campaign literature from doorsteps and replacing it with a DFL opponent's material.Kahn is apparently in one of those "I could be caught killing puppies by beating them with a baby and you'll still elect me" districts, so could do something like this without worry of electorial repercussion.
Now the Republicans, being the idiots they tend to be, pounced on this in just the wrong way.
The Minnesota Republican Party quickly issued a news release Thursday likening the incident to recent allegations of improper removal of security documents in Washington, D.C.Yes, the horrendous, and national security damaging handling of highly classified documents is worth being equated with the swapping of campaign leaflets. Way to show seriousness, guys.
*Bugmenot if you need a login. Oh, and lousy "crushing of dissent" jokes were avoided on purpose.
Posted by fad at 12:24pm
Not Creepy In The Least
Fellas, finally the perfect way to impress your lady friend.A Boston hotel is inviting guests to stay in a replica of pop star Britney Spears' bedroom.Only $349? Sign me up!
The singer's mother Lynne Spears designed the Onyx Hotel room, which costs up to $349 (£188) per night.
It includes Britney Spears CDs and a DVD of her 2002 movie Crossroads. The room's minibar is stocked with the 22-year-old's favourite snacks.So cigarette butts and half-empty booze?
The hotel states: "Once Britney's Curious fragrance line is released in September, the body wash and perfume will be provided in the room."That quote would be a lot more fun if that was a lowercase 'c' in "Curious".
Posted by fad at 11:42am
I'm Sorry
"Documents show Kissinger liked Nixon"Yes, but did he like like him.
Posted by fad at 11:16am
Useless Question
Don't ask where this comes from -- and I doubt anyone will know anyway -- but does anyone know if some academic or busybody has tried to make the argument that cell phones and wireless home phones are a further alienating force in society since, already separated by distance, we no longer even have the tenuous physical connection of the line?
Posted by fad at 7:37am
Surprise!
Here is today's How Soiled Would Your Shorts Be? situation.[A man] woke up to see a moving shadow at the edge of his bed. He reached out to scoop up what he thought was a frightened child -- and found a grown man's wrist.I'm going to say "very".
The intruder was on his hands and knees and had a flashlight.
Posted by fad at 7:26am
Whamp
The unfortunate luck of one of my friends has reminded me of this story. About six years ago, I was at a gas station filling up my car. As the car gassed up, I saw an old Mercedes pulling around the pumps. The driver needed to make a u-turn into this section in order to fill her car. She slloooowwwwwly made the turn, then, just before completing it, punched it. She rammed right into my passenger door.I was so stunned, all I could do was turn to the guy using the other side of the pump I was at and say, "She just hit my car!"
He looked at me like I was crazy because, well, he didn't know me, and he didn't know what the hell I was talking about. Before he could say anything, though, the Mercedes had backed up and rammed my car again. He saw that, looked at me, and said, "Huh. Yes. Yes she did."
The Mercedes pulled up to the pump in front of me. I got some paper and my insurance information, but had to borrow a pen from the guy next to me. As I was just about to walk up to talk to the driver, the passenger door opened. A...harpy stormed out screeching, "I hate you! I hate you! I wish you weren't my mother!"
I tossed a look to the guy next to me, my eyes a little wide at this point, and all he could do was start laughing at the scene. I finally walked up to the driver's side window of the Mercedes. The driver was an older woman, I'd say maybe mid 60s, but looking worse for the wear. She had that stringy, overly teased out hair that older women have in an attempt to give their hair body. That, and a really terrible dye job. I said to her, "Um...we need to exchange insurance information."
"We do?"
"Uh, yeah. You hit my car."
"I did?"
"Yeah, you can see the door all smashed in."
"I think I would remember hitting a car."
"Well, you did. Here, I've written out my insurance information. Can I just get yours?"
"Ok, but I really don't think I hit your car. I'm not sure what you're up to."
I got the information, and drove home. About an hour later, the police called asking my to come down and give a statement on this. She had gone to them complaining of some young man trying to scam her and accusing her of hitting cars. After I got there, gave my story, and showed the damage, the officer said, "Don't worry. She didn't seem all that together, but we had to check it out anyway." Luckily it all worked out and claims were paid with ease, but ever since I keep a sharp eye whenever I'm at a gas station.
Posted by fad at 6:42am
July 22nd, 2004
Not Ha Ha Funny
This world is lacking in funny, funny guys. Doesn't stop many from trying.The ship's master became irritated with the length of time a routine Coast Guard search was taking and made comments about a possible explosion, officials said. He refused to allow authorities to search certain portions of the vessel, called the Cenk KaptanogluSo you mention possible explosion, then refuse to let them search certain areas? Yeah, that's going to result in some real cheery folk.
But the captain later told authorities he'd been joking about the bomb, officials told FOX News."Ha! Ha! It is joke! Joke is funny! Laugh at my funny!" Really, not the brightest thing to do around these parts right now.
Posted by fad at 3:58pm
Autosuggestion
Jude Law to play Ian Curtis? Hmmm...there's a resemblance, but Curtis was just short of 24 when he offed himself. Law is in his early 30s. Personally, if they're going for an older actor, I think it should be Luke Perry. He's dreamy.
Posted by fad at 2:51pm
Schmeconomics
There is a huge fight in Chicago about letting Wal-Mart, and Wal-Mart-like stores in. Today Mayor Daley came out in support of high prices which are a tax on the whole community.[N]ewly built and existing stores with 75,000 square feet of space [should] pay their employees a "living wage" of at least $9.43 an hour plus $3 an hour toward benefits if they don't provide health insurance.Actually, he came out in favor of a proposal that will make Chicago too hostile to such retailers, so they'll stay away. It's basic economics that added costs imposed by the government are simply moved to the consumer, or the business takes its jobs somewhere else. But that isn't the only proposal. This is Chicago, after all, so some sort of shadowy thing has to be involved. Check this out.
And another variation championed by independent aldermen and union leaders that would require giant retailers to pay their employees at least $10.42 an hour with an annual cost-of-living increase, contribute no less than $3 an hour toward employee benefits and establish a "first source hiring agreement" with a goal of filling 90 percent of job vacancies with a so-called "community referral agency."That "community referral agency" should be a sweet little thing.
Posted by fad at 12:18pm
Belly Bumpin' Ragahol
When you gotta go, you can brook no stragglers.Andres A. Diaz, who was in the john, and Joseph Manuel Augusto, 37, who was waiting to use it, got into an argument when Diaz emerged, police said.Now, if I have to go to the bathroom really bad, and the person in there is taking a long time, what in this next section is the last thing I'd want to do?
The two men allegedly bumped chestsYeah, I'm guessing there was some belly in that bump as well. He must not have had to go that bad if he was able to do that and not have an emergency release.
then chased each other around the restaurant with their weapons. Augusto had a small razor pocket knife and Diaz brandished a Burger King straw dispenser, police said.I know you're thinking what I'm thinking: Burger King Gladiators! Just imagine watching the fights as you eat! It'll put Medieval Times out of business (if it isn't already).
Posted by fad at 10:45am
The Muse Googles
In blog news, Midwestern playwright googles self (or had someone google and tell him, based on how the logs look) and self promotes on meaningless blog. I'm going to write a play about how his desire for attention as demonstrated by posting on a blog no one gives a damn about is symbolic of the desire in each of us for nachos.Also, I hate it when people sign their comments when their name already appears automatically.
UPDATE: Great. According to the logs, that post is being emailed about the Madison area. Hopefully it isn't feeding any put-upon-artist stuff. Maybe my self-hatred will rate a play!
Posted by fad at 7:50am
But What About Fluoridians?
After waging a brave, well fought, inchoherent race, Dennis Kucinich will finally endorse Kerry, throwing him the coveted tin-foil consumer vote. Well, those among them who actually vote. Everyone knows that voting is how "they" follow you. Besides, no one actually votes. They're just obeying the chip in their ass.Another Democratic official praised Kucinich's decision as well as the timing of his announcement, which will occur in Detroit, Michigan.Hmmm, they're right. The real story shouldn't be the endorsement, but the timing of the endorsement!
Posted by fad at 7:07am
Experts To The Rescue
Being an American, I am stupid. This isn't my usual "I'm a fucking moron" stuff. Michael Moore himself says Americans are stupid, and he'll sue anyone who says he's wrong! Anyway, knowing that because of my Americaninity I lack nuance (were I to simply declare myself an intellectual or citizen of the world, then *poof* I'd be spewing nuance from every pore. It smells like a mix of Obsession and patchouli. Chicks dig it.) I had trouble deciding whether or not kidnapping people trying to bring water and electricity to people and then beheading them in the most painful, sawing manner was evil. On one side, yeah, it could be evil and wrong, but on the other side it could be part of someone's culture. And it'll be a cold day in hell before I judge another culture! Unless your culture has no hell, then I will have to find a proper subsitituting phrase for the same concept so as not to insult you by forcing you to learn about my culture enough for there to be understanding between us.Thankfully for us all, we have experts to let us know what to think.
Experts on Islam and Arab culture have said the kidnappers who behead civilians likely point to the strictest interpretation of Islamic law -- Shariah -- as justification for their deeds. But several contend that comparison is not a legitimate one.Well, at least several. Not all agree, but several. I suppose it's good that some are finally are record condemning the means of the murder, though perhaps not the why of these killings. Unfortunately, I suspect this is less about getting moderate muslim voices heavier in print to help combat terrorist thought. I suspect articles like this exist to try to fend off that inevitable backlash in this country against muslims. You know the one that was supposed to start on September 12th, 2001, but just doesn't seem to want to get going? Yes, there have been isolated incidents, which are terrible, but they do not a backlash make. But, as I said above, we Americans are stupid, so they must at all times hold back our base need to kill "the other" in this country. That it never happens on a large scale should never be credited to the American nature. No, we must always remember that these are only avoided because experts and intellectuals are constantly fighting to hold back the herd.
Posted by fad at 6:38am
July 21st, 2004
Freebird
If I were to live to an old age, this would be me.A man in a wheelchair who makes obscene gestures to the crews of passing trains was injured when he got a little too close to one of them, police said.Well, hopefully without the wheelchair and the getting hit by a train stuff. But the flipping off everything that goes by? Yeah, that'd be golden.
Laird told officers he has been wheelchair-bound since 1989 when a car he was driving was struck by a train near Fremont.I like that he came up with his own solution rather than bringing in the damn, dirty government.
But that's not the reason he periodically "flips off" the trains, Lt. Pat Matuszewski said.
He told police he puts himself where train crews can see him _ engineers and conductors consider him a regular _ and makes obscene gestures because he is frustrated by their loud horns.
Posted by fad at 5:46pm
I'll Make The Paper Airplanes
Oh fuck. It's over people. Abandon language and start running through the cornfields in a loincloth.Natasha, a small five-year-old black macaque monkey at the Safari Park next to Tel Aviv, began walking exclusively upright on two legs after a stomach ailment nearly killed her, zookeepers said.Wait? Tel Aviv? Another damn, dirty Zionist plot!
Posted by fad at 4:16pm
Polly Wanna Puke
When animals finally have the full rights as humans, this crap won't happen again.The trouble-maker - a magpie nicknamed Thatcher - has been told he is no longer welcome at the King's Arms in Heath Common, Wakefield.It breaks me up inside to hear of anything being banned from any pub or bar.
Mr Tate told BBC News Online: "He got more and more used to people and started nicking beer out of pint glasses.Ok, he was a freeloader. That does cross a line, but not quite ban worthy.
"His favourite is the Classic Blonde which we have on - he went mad for that. He used to squawk at people who used to hide their pints from him."
"It was getting too much - he was too mischievous and he used to attack children.Ok, that's the best line I've read all day.
"He used to land on them and peck at their heads, which was funny to watch so long as it wasn't your kid."
Posted by fad at 4:09pm
Exciting And New
It does seem the current exciting trend amongst education workers is to fake crimes against themselves.An assistant high school principal was arrested for allegedly sending herself 39 threatening letters she claimed were from students.Strange. I thought it was more a Klaxon of Krazy than a Cry for Help.
[...]
Her attorney [...] said [she] was under duress because of a romantic involvement with the school's security officer, and the letters were a "cry for help."
[She] offered seven names of students who might have sent the letters, and the students were investigated but never arrestedBut they probably won't mind because, you see:
[She] eventually admitted she wrote the letters to get attentionWhich is always forgivable and to be excused.
Posted by fad at 3:44pm
Oh, And He's Trying Titles Again
Yeah, been busy so far today. Then wasted too much time on something that was supposed to be funny, but only is if you had worked at my old company. Otherwise, it just read as stupid pettiness. So I got nothin' so far.
Posted by fad at 1:56pm
July 20th, 2004
Adam Pinkhurst -- whose name was found by a U.S. handwriting expert -- wrote the 14th century manuscripts of Chaucer's pilgrims' stories, the most celebrated work of medieval English literature.I love those moments of discovery.
[...]
Mooney came across his signature in a London library during a study of medieval scribes, known as "scriveners."
She immediately saw it was the same as the manuscripts. "It took about a second to recognize! I was so excited," she said.
Cambridge University has endorsed the find as authentic.
Jumping forward a hundred years, I didn't know, but should have, that many of the Paston Letters are online. Cool. Though some may prefer books which do a little modernization of the language and spelling, I like puzzling out the old spellings. It gets easy after a little work.
Posted by fad at 6:55am
July 19th, 2004
Meaningless Number Acknowledged
Oh yeah, sitemeter being down (at least as I was typing this) reminds me that sometime yesterday this site got its 10,000th hit, by sitemeter's reckoning. Since I didn't put that counter on until this site had been going a few months, and I know those stats to be quite inaccurate, it still gives a nice round numbered reason for me to say thanks to everyone who continues to stop by. I hope you at least enjoy it most of the time. For those who read this crap for masochistic reasons, you're sick fucks, but just as welcome.
Posted by fad at 3:12pm
You know, when I was following the story of Audrey Seiler, the University of Wisconsin woman who pulled the "some Puerto Rican guy" fake kidnapping routine, I kept thinking to myself, "Mano [I call myself 'Mano'...it's a long story. You had to be there. And be me.], I really wish this story could be expressed to me as art via the format of the play." But lacking the skill to write, I had to wait.
I wait no longer.
A Madison playwright has written a play about the UW student who faked her abduction last spring.I hope there's nudity. My version would have.
"Audrey Seiler, Where Are You?" opens at the Broom Street Theater July 30.
"Seiler's story speaks for everyone who has ever felt depressed, wanted to escape the pressures of life or who just needed a little more attention," [the playwright] said. "We all have some Audrey Seiler inside us. That is why we were so quickly captivated by her plight. That is why her story had to be written."Bless you, sir. Bless you and the muse.
[The playwright] is known for controversial theater, including "Trench Coat Mafia" after the Columbine shootings and "Why Sex? Why Not the Violin?" about feminist porn film star Nina Hartley.In other words, he scans the headlines, picks something that is sure to get himself attention, and scribbles something out. I applaud him.
Posted by fad at 1:17pm
Initially this story was mildly curious.
A 36-year-old man led police on a brief car chase, driving on sidewalks, through parking lots and even against traffic on a busy boulevard, so he wouldn't get caught with stolen library books, according to police.But then I saw what books the man had.
Connellan did not have the titles or authors of the five stolen books but said they all dealt with Jewish religion.It's amazing when you forget your meds how many things start telling you to steal them. Except that Abbie Hoffman book because it's such a damn contrarian.
Posted by fad at 1:08pm
Miller and mullets. A match that was made in heaven. It's so sad when something so good just can't function no more.
Posted by fad at 10:56am
Added to the "twinkie defense" wing of great lawyerin', we now have the Lifetime movie defense.
But Placek said she used juror TV prejudices to her advantage a few years ago as she prepared a battered-woman defense for a client accused of murdering her boyfriend. Placek picked jurors with a preference for a particular female-oriented cable channel. "They do made-for-TV movies about battered women," Placek recalled. "It was like, thank you, Jesus! Hallelujah!"And who cares about justice and tax dollars when love is in the air?
Her client was found not guilty, she said.
The robbery case seemed open and shut, so it was curious that the jury was taking so long, with two nights of sequestering in a Chicago hotel.God bless America.
As it turned out, two jurors had developed a thing for each other --and the panel dragged out deliberations so the lovebirds could spend more time together.
Posted by fad at 10:53am
Oh, so you're too squeamish for bathtub cheese, are you? How 'bout some blood chocolate.
Scientists at the Voronezh State Technological Academy have developed a method for processing blood and turning it into food products such as milk, yogurt, chocolate, and coffee, Interfax quotes the academy’s administration as saying.Damn. If only I had this technology available to me yesterday when I sliced the hell out of my finger. I could be squatting in yogurt today!
Voronezh scientists noticed that every meat packing plant wastes about 7 tons of blood daily. So they worked on a solution for utilizing it.
Posted by fad at 7:35am
Great. George Bush is coming to this area yet again tomorrow. The rally location is quite near where I work, and pretty much on the way home. The fucker and potential accompanying protest circus better not screw up traffic.
Posted by fad at 7:07am
With the arrest of Bobby Fischer, the WSJ trots out Garry Kasparov to provide some background, but also to make sure that we don't blame chess for the crazy.
In my experience, chess players are very brittle about chess. The only other people who come close to being as brittle are coffee drinkers -- I still get lectured over the fact that I don't like coffee. Some people have even taken it as a personal affront -- and cigarette smokers. But none are as humorless about their particular topic as chess players. Well, except for obscure chess jokes which exist less to entertain and amuse than to once again demonstrate the jokester's superiority because he could think up and understand why knight's pawn to queen 4 -- or whatever the hell those people say -- is hi-larious.
However, because of this brittleness and humorlessness and other nesses, they are also fun to tease. One of my favorites, after someone has gone on and on about chess, then looks to me for approval that, yes, they do play chess and that gets me all sweaty in the tingly areas as well as ashamed to show my face in their glorious presence, is to say, "I know how the horsey moves."
Drives them batty.
Posted by fad at 6:53am
Ugh. I feel like I had me some of this over the weekend.
On Thursday, health officials warned residents not to buy cheese and raw milk products sold on the streets and neighborhoods of San Diego County.Mmmm...bathtub cheese. You can always just cook the bad out of it.
[...]
The containers used to make the cheese -- bathtubs, homemade wooden vats and rusted molds -- are often stored in barns or garages without adequate pest control and sanitation.
Posted by fad at 6:36am
July 18th, 2004
Posted by fad at 4:30am