Farm Accident Digest

March 5th, 2004

I don't know why this story just popped in my head, maybe because I need a couple laughs right now, but here goes. It's short, so don't worry.

As many of you probably experienced, grade schools/junior highs often have a Talent Show of some sort at the end of the year (thankfully mine did not). There's no need to go into a description of these things. I'm sure you all know exactly what these are like. Heck, some of you were probably happy participants. What this story is about is perhaps the greatest piece of Performance Art ever at a school Talent Show.

A guy in my high school class was known for doing just plain weird things and not understanding why anyone thought they were weird. He'd hum in a very low-pitch during class. When asked what he was trying to do, he'd say he was practicing his subsonic noises. He also was a sleep talker. His sister told a story about one such talking during a family trip. Suddenly, he just started singing, "RIIIIII-OH, RiodeJaneiro. I can do it. I can do it." in a loop.

Ok, so as the story told to me by witnesses goes, it was the Talent Show their 8th grade year. This guy decided to enter, but wouldn't tell anyone what his performance was going to be. It was a big secret. As the day drew near, anticipation was very high. Then his time came. He walked out with a boombox and a length of PVC pipe. He hit play on the boombox and "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka-dot Bikini" began to play. While that played, he balanced the PVC pipe on end on the palm of his hand. And that was his whole performance. That song playing while he wandered around the stage with this pipe balanced on the palm of his hand.

Unfortunately, like most great artists, his achievement was not met with as much appreciation as it deserved.